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Published August 16, 2008

Hey there. How are you doing today? Yeah? You look good. Have you been working out? You had a tape worm? That sounds horrible, but well-worth it. Hey, how's your sister doing? Is she still in law school? She dropped out? She's doing porn now? That is awesome! I mean, that sucks.

I very well may start doing a blog entry here and there, much like I do vaginal entries: Randomly, without putting forth much thought or effort. Carelessly and sloppily, really, with no honest feelings involved and definitely no kissing on the mouth.

I thought I'd stop by real quick and let you all in on a little secret that I'm privy to. There are phrases in existence, that until you have practiced over and over and accustomed yourself to them, you cannot say them out loud without giggling like a little school girl whom was just asked out by her 8th grade Geography teacher; or like a little school boy when he is chosen to be captain of the color guard.

Yes, that was a gay joke, because straight men, much as we do not twirl batons and brightly colored flags for our or your entertainment, do not giggle. Other than when we see someone that we don't know get severely injured in an awesome way (like juggling chainsaws or swallowing abortion tools), fart or hear someone else fart (But not smell it. That turns smiles to frowns), or say these phrases, of course. I'll give you two to (Tutu, haha. That was a chuckle, not a giggle!) start off with:

1) Boobie Tassles

2) Smelly Horse Farts

Yeah, I heard you giggling from here. Come on, don't lie. It's alright, don't be ashamed. Embrace it, and let it warm you from your eyebrows down to your taint. Not any higher or lower than those two spots, though. We don't want to start any fires.

Feel free to pass them on. Post them on your Myspace account, or your Facebook account, or your MeetAndGreetMyMeat account, or your ILoveKnittingToo account, or your ChristanSingles account, or all of the above for that matter. I know I belong to all of them. A little known fact: MeetAndGreetMyMeat and ChristianSingles are actually run by the same people.

Admittedly, they work much better in person, though. They are a great way to break awkward silences, and ice breakers when you first meet someone you really want to impress. Or confuse and possibly really creep out. Either way, it's a lasting impression that will ensure your reputation preceding you for years to come.

Your reputation of being fucking sweet.

- Went

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