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May 18, 2017
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Since all you snowflakes love jumping to conclusions.

Hey, it’s me, your Facebook friend you haven’t seen since high school. Been awhile, huh? Well, I’m still here in our hometown, and still have the same worldview. Anyway, I’d like to insert myself back into your and our other mutual friends’ lives for just a brief moment here.

But this is no innocuous picture of my dog or announcement of a new job or new relationship. This post will carry quite a bit of weight. So strap in.

I can’t make this post without first clarifying a couple things. First, no matter how racist the article I’m about to share may seem, I swear I am NOT a racist myself. In fact, I couldn’t be further from that. I have many colored, homo, and shemale friends who I treat the exact same as my regular friends. Would someone like that be racist? No. So let’s nip that in the bud before you even try playing that card—which you are certainly no stranger to doing!

I am a complex, nuanced individual who can’t be understood through a computer screen. So please know that the abhorrent piece of anecdotally based propaganda I’m about to link, and then aggressively defend in the comment section after I’m called out for it, doesn’t define me.

…[The] abhorrent piece of anecdotally based propaganda I’m about to link, and then aggressively defend in the comment section after I’m called out for it, doesn’t define me.

Also, while this article you will reluctantly open and then close in horror may be incredibly misleading and downright offensive to even the most hardened reader, this isn’t even about race anyway. That’s not the point. The point is about preserving the great values of our country before they’ve completely slipped away.

And by “great values,” I am not at all using a blatant and poorly veiled political dog whistle.

It’s annoying that I even have to write this preface in the first place, but I’ve accepted that all you snowflakes are offended by even the most mild of blatantly hateful think pieces nowadays, so this is an unfortunate but necessary precautionary measure.

However, I hope it will help you understand the place of pure love I’m coming from as I direct you to a vile usage of bandwidth filled with nothing but pure hatred.

Alright, ready? Remember, I AM NOT RACIST. Here’s the racist article. Enjoy!

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