During a press conference in Cooperstown Thursday, Major League Baseball announced that it will be "officially reconsidering" it's steroid policy due to the fact that "those pitchers think they're so fucking smart."
The league said that it is considering implementing either a steroid expense cap for each team or providing the team that wins the All-Star game with a year's supply of androstenedione to "force people to watch that crap."
This consideration comes, of course, after the player's union, minus "those no good pitchers," lobbied the league office for months in response to the recent rise in no-hitters and perfect games.
A representative for the players who was present at the press conference spoke to the media, saying that "this pitching bullshit is totally gay" and that "most of the fly-outs in this league deserve to be home runs anyway."
When asked about the most recent perfect game pitched by Matt Cain of San Francisco earlier this month, the same representative remarked that he "couldn't believe the nerve of that egomaniac" and that it was "the most disgusting display of showboating since Steve Carlton's twenty seven win season in 1972."
When asked for his opinion, some huge fucking guy named Tino remarked, "The current steroid policy is totally unfair, just like when teams go switching pitchers in the middle of a game. That kind of trickery is unsporting and unwelcome... unless the dude coming in is like, really terrible."