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Stats & Data

January 07, 2009


You know what I think is underrated? The backhanded compliment. What I just said about the backhanded compliment WAS a backhanded compliment. I should’ve just said, “Hey backhanded compliment, everyone hates you but me.”, to which backhanded compliment would reply, “…thank you?” Yeah, you better fucking thank me. You know why? Because you always remember and repeat, a backhanded compliment. If someone gave you a regular old compliment, you probably wouldn’t remember it, not for long anyway. But with a BHC (I’m tired of writing the whole thing out, but I’m sure you can figure out what it stands for. If you cant, you’re an idiot, which is not a BHC) you always remember. Every time you see the person who gave you the BHC, you’re going to nudge the person you’re with and say, “See that guy? He told me I wasn’t as fat as I used to be. Can you believe it?” Then you get the bonus of your friend saying something like “What?! How rude! You were never fat.” Not only did you get the BHC, you wind up with a sneaky C(ompliment) You get to fish without seeming like you’re fishing. Here’s the problem. A BHC can backfire. If you’re giving someone a C, you are obviously trying to make them feel good, but at the same time, you don’t want them to get all cocky, that’s why you throw in the BH. On the flipside, you don’t want to destroy them. If you destroy them, then the C portion of the BHC goes unappreciated and you end up looking like an asshole. For example, when people approach me on the street (yeah, that’s right) and say, “Hey, I loved you in (insert one of my many films or television shows here)! Why don’t you act anymore?”, it throws me into a dark hole. My only response at that point is, “I don’t know” or “Oh, you know…” because whenever I have said, “I still act.”, they look at me with a blank stare and I can tell they think I’m lying….Am I getting off topic? Whatever. The point is, that kind of BHC is too brutal. BHCs have to be subtle.Like when you say to someone, “You look beautiful…today.” or “You got a haircut.” (which isn’t technically a BHC, but still makes you feel funny without knowing why), they hear the C, but they REMEMBER the BH.

Also, don’t sound too surprised when you’re delivering the C. Delivery alone can turn a C into a BHC. Come to think of it, there are more BHCs out there than I even realized. A lot of Cs ARE BHCs. That brings up another danger of the BHC, people can turn on you. Like when someone says, “I really like that shirt.” What, this shirt? What was wrong with the one I was wearing yesterday? Not your “style”? Yeah, that’s what I thought. The song “More Today Than Yesterday” is the ultimate BHC. Upon first listen, it sounds sweet, but pay attention. The chorus is, “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow” Oh, so yesterday didn’t mean anything? And today is what? Some kind of joke? It’s all about tomorrow, is it? Guess what asshole? Tomorrow is going to be today and today is going to be yesterday and we are going to be right back in the same fucking mess that neither one of us wants to clean up….I’m getting upset. Maybe BHCs aren’t so great. And I think plain old Cs are too risky. So when you like something, point at said thing, then raise your hand for a high five. It cuts down your chances of saying something you’ll regret.