Hey Dad! I didn't know what to get you for father's day, so I put together this list of ideas I was kicking around. Let me know which one you want!
1. Tickets to the Cubs Game!
Remember when I was a kid and all you talked about how majestic and awe-inspiring Wrigley Field was when your Dad brought you there? I'll never forget those conversations. I memorized your words and repeated them to myself for hours on that day you told me we were going to the Cubs game and I sat outside your new condo waiting for you to come home from work. I never really understood what you did for a living or why you always referred to your office as "the track," but apparently you were always too busy to actually make it to a game. Let's change that now and finally see the glory that is Wrigley Field.
2. A Home Cooked Meal!
When Mom was alive you always seemed to love her cooking. I could tell by the way you would eat my dinner before I even sat down. You sure were hungry! Anyway, judging by the lack of contents in your fridge during the weekends that the state allowed me to stay with you, you haven't eaten well since then. My wife, who I'd love for you to meet someday, cooks a fantastic baked ziti. We would love for you to come over and have some. Let me know if you need my address.
3. A New Tie!
I never told you this, but during those weekends away from my foster family - those fun times we shared at your 'Bachelor Pad" - I used to stay up all night hearing what I can only assume was a monologue to a play you were rehearsing (didn't know you were an actor!). You kept practicing the lines "I can't take it any more" and "Nothing I have can make a strong enough knot." Problem solved with this tie! I love you.
You keep asking for it, anyway. Might as well have an occasion for it.
5. Some quality time with your grandson?
You have a grandson, you know. He keeps asking why he's never met the man he's named after. I told him to shut it and learn to respect his elders as I fight back tears of pride in my father. But maybe it doesn't have to be this way? If you'd like to meet him, we've been waiting in a car outside the duplex you've been subletting.
Anyway, let me know what you think. I haven't seen you in years and it would make for a great Father's Day if I could give you these gifts in person.
- Okay, Dan, that was super, super depressing.
- i just don't get it