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May 23, 2013

Cash Money Records has signed Paris Hilton to their ranks...


Proving that he has suffered one too many seizures from his overconsumption of “Sizzurp”, Lil Wayne has just signed Paris Hilton to his record label cash Money Records alongside such stars as Nicki Minaj and... Erm... I dunno, I listen to Slayer for Lucifer’s sake.

To coincide with this announcement, the artist formerly known as Paris Hilton removed the dick from her mouth long enough to publicly reveal both her edgy new look and her new Rapper Persona - LIL PEEZY H.


LIL PEEZY H also gave the media a small sample of the lyrics from one of her new songs, “Purple Drank Skank”:


“This shit is real. This Rip-Rap beat is Hot.”

“Life on the cold hard streets of Beverley Hills... It changes a person.”


“I’ve spent my days smoking pole with Hollywood whores, like  Fire- Crotch and the girl whose dad covered The Commodores.”

“I've had more Dicks than the entire run of Bewitched , I collect STD’s like they’re Pokemon and I choose you, Syphillis!”

“You want One Night in Paris? Then lemme hit that pipe, ‘cos my name is Lil Peezy H and I love “The Simple Life”.”

She then took a shit right on Tupac’s Grave.


"I bought Nicole Richie for a pack a cigarettes."


...Ahhh, fuck it.

 I can’t joke about this any longer. Cash Money Records is about to commit the sound of literal ear-raping to disc and nothing is being done to stop them. Nothing.  Stars may be blind, Paris, but they’re not deaf and neither are we.  This one simple act by Lil Wayne has set race relations back hundreds of years – White people are now demanding an apology from the Black community for letting Paris release another album.

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to stand by and do nothing. Let us pour our Forties of Purple Drank in tribute to the ever distant dream of racial harmony.


You are a terrible hotel, Paris Hilton.

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