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As the militant Islamic group ISIS extends its path of terror, there has been some confusion with other entities that coincidentally share their name: a mobile wallet phone app called Isis launched recently with the backing of American Express; animated TV series Archer, which follows the exploits of a spy agency called ISIS, just finished its fifth season; and of course it also sounds a whole lot like a certain ’90s pop song by the Goo Goo Dolls called “Iris.”

To help you figure out which ISIS is right for you, please consult the following chart.


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App Isis
Cartoon ISIS
Militant ISIS
Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris”
WINNER
What is it? App that links with your credit cards to allow for electronic payment Comedic animated TV show about self-centered spy Sterling Archer; in 5th season on FX, created by Adam Reed Active jihadist militant group in Iraq and Syria; self-proclaimed status as Caliphate (head of global Muslim community) A great pop song dealing with an angel choosing between human love or eternal life, which launched the Goo Goo Dolls to well deserved international fame Goo Goo Dolls
Meaning of name? Not an acronym, they just thought “Isis Mobile Wallet®” sounded like a name people could trust The International Secret Intelligence Service The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, although that’s just a transliteration of the Arabic: الدولة الاسلامية في العراق والشام‎ (pronounced al-Dawlah al-Islāmīyah fī al-ʻIrāq wa-al-Shām) Johnny Rzeznik wrote this song for the movie City Of Angels; from perspective of Nicolas Cage's character, an angel sent to help humans make their transition to the afterlife Goo Goo
Best known for? Poor luck of choosing a name that would soon be shared by an active jihadist militant group Acerbic insults and witty banter between main characters Responsible for thousands of gruesome deaths across Iraq and Syria How about spending a record-breaking 18 weeks in the top spot on the charts in 1998??? Goo
Located? In the app store and on approximately zero phones New York City Iraq and Syria In the hearts of millions of fans worldwide The Goo
Strength? Planning to rebrand with a new name soon Jon Benjamin’s distinct voice as protagonist “Sterling Archer” Followers consider leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi the Mahdi, a messianic figure who will appear on earth shortly before Judgment Day The most sublime 3:37 music video of all time, featuring lead singer Johnny Rzeznik spying on Meg Ryan with multiple telescopes from his panopticonic watch tower where he sits in a rolling office chair Militant ISIS, and holy shit that's terrifying
Weakness? Current front-runner for new name re-branding is “Skynet” Benjamin has to leave work early sometimes to go record voice of Bob for FOX’s Bob’s Burgers Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is not the Mahdi / religion is a lie etc Not actually an “ISIS” but an “Iris”, which is really only a weakness given the framework of this piece, since the song itself is perfect; and yes, there is a Bob Dylan song actually called “Isis” we could have chosen but why pass up a chance to give “Iris” the shout out it so desperately deserves?? Da Goo
Famous quote? “However coincidental, we have no interest in sharing a name with a group whose name has become synonymous with violence and our hearts go out to those who are suffering.” - Michael Abbott, CEO of app formerly known as Isis “Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?! No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga.” - Sterling Archer “In a letter seen by Reuters, Iraq's envoy to the UN said nearly 40kg (88lb) of uranium compounds were seized. The letter appealed for international help to stave off the threat of their use by ISIS in Iraq or abroad.” - BBC News “And I don't want the world to see me / 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.” So good. Also, guys, you should seriously check out some of their other hits like 2013’s “Rebel Beat.” Now that’s a rebellion I can get behind, haha! “Hey you, look around! / Can you hear that noise? It's a rebel sound.” So good!! Do I have to say it? I will because I like the way saying it feels in my mouth: “Goo Goo Dolls.”
Pop song written for a sexy-ass feature film by the greatest rock band of all time? No No No Yes GOO GOO GA GA, I LOVE THE GOO GOO DOLLS

What is it?

App Isis: App that links with your credit cards to allow for electronic payment

Cartoon Isis: Comedic animated TV show about self-centered spy Sterling Archer; in 5th season on FX, created by Adam Reed

Militant Isis: Active jihadist militant group in Iraq and Syria; self-proclaimed status as Caliphate (head of global Muslim community)

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": A great pop song dealing with an angel choosing between human love or eternal life, which launched the Goo Goo Dolls to well deserved international fame

WINNER: Goo Goo Dolls



Meaning of name?

App Isis: Not an acronym, they just thought “Isis Mobile Wallet®” sounded like a name people could trust

Cartoon Isis: The International Secret Intelligence Service

Militant Isis: The Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, although that’s just a transliteration of the Arabic: الدولة الاسلامية في العراق والشام‎ (pronounced al-Dawlah al-Islāmīyah fī al-ʻIrāq wa-al-Shām)

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": Johnny Rzeznik wrote this song for the movie City Of Angels; from perspective of Nicolas Cage's character, an angel sent to help humans make their transition to the afterlife

WINNER: Goo Goo



Best known for?

App Isis: Poor luck of choosing a name that would soon be shared by an active jihadist militant group

Cartoon Isis: Acerbic insults and witty banter between main characters

Militant Isis: Responsible for thousands of gruesome deaths across Iraq and Syria

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": How about spending a record-breaking 18 weeks in the top spot on the charts in 1998???

WINNER: Goo



Located?

App Isis: In the app store and on approximately zero phones

Cartoon Isis: New York City

Militant Isis: Iraq and Syria

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": In the hearts of millions of fans worldwide

WINNER: The Goo



Strength?

App Isis: Planning to rebrand with a new name soon

Cartoon Isis: Jon Benjamin’s distinct voice as protagonist “Sterling Archer”

Militant Isis: Followers consider leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi the Mahdi, a messianic figure who will appear on earth shortly before Judgment Day

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": The most sublime 3:37 music video of all time, featuring lead singer Johnny Rzeznik spying on Meg Ryan with multiple telescopes from his panopticonic watch tower where he sits in a rolling office chair

WINNER: Militant ISIS, and holy shit that's terrifying



Weakness?

App Isis: Current front-runner for new name re-branding is “Skynet”

Cartoon Isis: Benjamin has to leave work early sometimes to go record voice of Bob for FOX’s Bob’s Burgers

Militant Isis: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is not the Mahdi / religion is a lie etc

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": Not actually an “ISIS” but an “Iris”, which is really only a weakness given the framework of this piece, since the song itself is perfect; and yes, there is a Bob Dylan song actually called “Isis” we could have chosen but why pass up a chance to give “Iris” the shout out it so desperately deserves??

WINNER: Da Goo



Famous quote?

App Isis: “However coincidental, we have no interest in sharing a name with a group whose name has become synonymous with violence and our hearts go out to those who are suffering.” - Michael Abbott, CEO of app formerly known as Isis

Cartoon Isis: “Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?! No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga.” - Sterling Archer

Militant Isis: “In a letter seen by Reuters, Iraq's envoy to the UN said nearly 40kg (88lb) of uranium compounds were seized. The letter appealed for international help to stave off the threat of their use by ISIS in Iraq or abroad.” - BBC News

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": “And I don't want the world to see me / 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.” So good. Also, guys, you should seriously check out some of their other hits like 2013’s “Rebel Beat.” Now that’s a rebellion I can get behind, haha! “Hey you, look around! / Can you hear that noise? It's a rebel sound.” So good!!

WINNER: Do I have to say it? I will because I like the way saying it feels in my mouth: “Goo Goo Dolls.”



Pop song written for a sexy-ass feature film by the greatest rock band of all time?

App Isis: No

Cartoon Isis: No

Militant Isis: No

Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris": Yes

WINNER: GOO GOO GA GA, I LOVE THE GOO GOO DOLLS



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