Fixing The Golden Girls Opening Credits

It's likely that you have never just been sitting around in your sweatpants, looking at the Pepperidge Farm Wikipedia page. That's a completely normal thing for you to never have done. But one time I was doing exactly that, and it ruined my life a little bit. I was just trying to see how many different kinds of Milanos there were, but things took a nasty turn when I saw this sentence right there in the middle of the Wikipedia entry:

“In an episode of The Golden Girls, Sophia complained about the high price of Pepperidge Farm cookies and said not to buy them with her money.”

My automatic response was to go, “Oh yeah!  The Golden Girls!” So that’s how I ended up on the Golden Girls Wikipedia Page. And by the time I was done reading that page, there was no turning back. Because this happened:

“The theme song is “Thank You for Being a Friend”, which was a #25 Pop hit for Andrew Gold in 1978. The show’s version is a cover sung by Cynthia Fee.”

Whaaaaaaaat? That’s a real song? The theme for the Golden Girls is a cover of a whole real song that was written and sung by a guy who was apparently kind of somewhat famous? Apparently, yes, it was. And that’s what blew my mind. So obviously I bought the Andrew Gold version on iTunes, and guess what? There’s a fucking verse in the real song about being old. But that’s not the verse they use for the show. Why would that not be the verse they use for the only television show in the history of the world to be about only old people? Instead they use the first verse about throwing a party with everyone you know. It’s a show about old people, and instead of singing about being old, they’re singing about buying a giant gift. Here, look.

So I got mad. And I got crazy. I got mad and I got crazy, and I decided that I had to put the original verse about being old into the opening credits to the Golden Girls. This sounds like it’s not a big deal, but it’s a huge deal. The verse about being old is the third verse, but I still needed the beginning of the song for the beginning of the song. So I had to teach myself to edit audio (teaching myself = IMing my friend, Matt, a whole bunch of times). And then at the end of the Golden Girls version it’s like “ba ba ba ba ba ba ba,” but that never actually happens in the real version.  In the real version that last “ba” is like an octave lower and isn’t even the last “ba”!  It goes into all these other “ba”s that finally end with a “ba” of the correct note. So I had to switch all those “ba”s around. And I don’t know how to do that shit, so it took three entire days for me to finish. AND IT’S NOTHING! It’s just the Golden Girls opening credits with a dude singing and different words that are about being old. Enjoy.