In a stunning gambit designed to catch his political opponents off-guard, President Obama has publicly embraced the entire Republican platform just days ahead of Wednesday night’s presidential debate.
“I want to say that I agree with everything Mitt Romney, John Boehner, and other GOP leaders have said, even the crazy shit,” Obama stated. ”So, clearly, the inverse must be true: every single Republican leader completely agrees with Barack Obama.”
Republicans have come under fire in recent months for resisting anything Obama supports. In several instances, lawmakers opposed ideas they previously held, even voting against their own legislation, all in an attempt to distance themselves from the President.
The President’s remarks were met with shock and dismay by Republican leaders. “Goddammit,” Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell said, “he just made us all Muslim socialists.”
Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Paul Ryan attempted to put a positive spin on the news, telling reporters, “This is further proof we need to get Barack Obama out of the White House before he can do something stupid, like implement my economic policies.”
Many expect the bombshell to shake up the GOP strategy, and even force them to select a new nominee.
“In light of the President’s remarks, we must now do a complete 180,” said Republican National Committee chairman Reince Preibus.
“The GOP needs a candidate who supports universal healthcare, believes in the stimulus, and will defend a woman’s right to choose. Fortunately, I think we already have that candidate in Mitt Romney.”