Full Credits

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January 18, 2010


Internal Monologue Required Contest #8

11. Gosh darn it, people like me!
10. ( “Shh! This is where I keep my ‘Fuck-Overs.’ ” )
9. I was awesome in "Collision Course"...much better than Pat Morita...I'm glad he's dead.
8. It's not about the money $30 million a year is such a paltry amount,It's not about the fame everyone knows me,It's about the right to sneak into your house and have sex with middle America,you want it bitch.
7. Denim, Chevy, denim, regular guy, Mavis, denim, Ford, denim, green car, denim, headlines, denim...
6. "This is the luckiest finger in the world. Why? Because it's *this close* to the mind that had some part in agreeing to accept a professional comedy writers pitch for 'Jaywalking'".
5. And now I'm stealing Carson's Carnac the Magnificent. I see Summer's Eve, Massengill, and Bold & Fresh.
-Name three things less douchey than me.
4. I love America and America loves me. The pin on my lapel proves it. Tune in next week when my guests will be breast cancer and AIDS.
3. Bernie Madoff goes to prison for screwing people over and lying to them because of selfish greed, yet I get The Tonight Show back.....go figure
2. You see that finger "casually" pointing to his forehead? That's a Con Man street sign for "I've got a con working.."
1. With a shit eating grin like this, you know I'm not aware of my own mediocrity.