1) Flashback To The Future
Ok great now we’re doing time jumps on this show, too. Fantastic. They got all none of our letters demanding it. But it’s a flashback from the last episode that appears to be a flash forward from last season which technically makes it stupid as hell.
2) Madison’s Small Talk
Madison sparks a gripping convo with this unique snowflake who likes pizza and music. And also has thoughts on salmon. How do they craft these characters, it must take minutes.
3) Strand’s Syrup Celebration
4) Hammer Time
Madison is ignoring her old real daughter to look after her fake new one. She can only care about one kid at a time and sometimes it’s not even her kid. Sorry, but those are the rules.
Nick tells his new friend they’re on their way to being self-sufficient and pretty soon they’ll be growing enough heroin that they’ll never have to leave this place.
What a fun and not at all terrifying deserted town. I’m sure they’ll find dozens of living parents here.
7) Wait. Why Did Madison Help Strand?
All Strand has ever done is double cross people and abandon them (in that order) so why did Madison help him? It’s almost like flashing forward and skipping past story telling is a bad idea that creates way more problems than it solves.
8) Did She Just Fall In Her Own Trap
I did not go to any fancy roof trap college university to earn a degree in roof trappings, but I’m fairly certain you’re not supposed to fall into your own roof trap. Traditionally speaking, that is not how roof traps are intended to operate. Madison decides that death pool looks fun and jumps in to do some brain stabs. Then they bust that bitch open one time and make a zombie slip-n-slide to save this person who was just about to kill them.
9) A Turnip For The Worse
Damn. Things are looking pretty bad. Nick is smoking turnip fumes just trying to catch a buzz.
10) Nick’s Bad Trip
Nick, high on turnips, freaks the fuck out remembering a bunch of stuff from last season I somehow forgot and continues a proud Walking Dead tradition of people driving the only car for miles and hitting an immovable object for no discernible reason.
11) Yet Another Fake Doctor
Yet another doctor who isn’t really a doctor. I swear to god these shows only have, like, seven ideas and they’re all not good.
12) Cool! They Finally Explained Everything
Madison calmly explains that after losing her kids, seemingly forever, she found them. Then they found this place. Then they built it up. Great! No further questions. Every inquiry I had about this time jump has been put to rest. Oh happy day, someone pass the syrup.
13) Alllllriiiight Sports Fans!
Wow! Who could’ve possibly imagined this day that an announcer yelled about would have some not so nice surprises in store. Like this caravan of murder cars.
And a guy on a bicycle in a dumb hat playing music leading zombies around? Is this Burning Man? Pretty sure this is Burning Man.
And now they’re just tailgating. I like the way these people do business.
14) Spy Kid
The girl was a spy?! DID SHE EVEN LIKE PIZZA?!?! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE. Zombie alt-right bro makes Madison one hell of an offer. He can take her stuff from her when she’s alive or he can take her stuff from her when she’s dead. But either way, he’s taking her stuff. Even her Law & Order DVD box set? ESPECIALLY her Law & Order DVD box set.
15) Crop Of Shit
I don’t know what the problem is here. Throw a little syrup on those crops, they’ll be right as rain.
16) And Another Time Jump
If there are two words that come to mind when I think of these time jumps, it’s awesome and also necessary. Wasn’t this supposed to be a show about the BEGINNING of the zombie apocalypse? And then they jumped ahead a few weeks after the second episode? And now they’re jumping YEARS forward? Just to shoehorn in a crazy man with a stick? And they can’t even stick the landing. They’re jumping forward and backwards but not all the way backwards and it sucks butt. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK? Where will our new group of friends go on this road trip? Hopefully to screenwriting class. Will they catch up with the vultures? Yes, and they’re going to make them watch amateur documentary film. The worst kind of torture. What will happen to that little girl? She’s going to die for what she did, they covered that book they gave her in pesticide. NONE OF THIS AND MORE on S04E03 of Fear The Walking Dead.