Everyone needs a break sometimes. So take a deep breath, and enjoy this week’s best tweets about everything that isn’t politics!
Y'all can't tell me God ain't real dawg , pic.twitter.com/hKky47czgv— Q Daily (@Can_Duece) September 9, 2017
Me waiting determining the right moment to reply "lmaoooo" to the video you sent me that I didn't watch based off how long it is pic.twitter.com/NeWvdINjKW— Topshelf Tyson (@topshelftyson) September 7, 2017
My emergency preparedness is having 1-2 microwave cake recipes memorized in case I unexpectedly have to be on "Chopped".— Guy Branum (@guybranum) September 12, 2017
where does he get all these big hats pic.twitter.com/38yFqkTC1X— DOCFUTURE (@topherflorence) September 6, 2017
You should give a fuck. You really should.— Sean Diddy Combs (@diddy) September 14, 2017
But only about things that set your soul on fire.
Save your fucks for magical shit.
Twitter has literally just become white people telling me to watch BoJack Horseman and Rick and Morty— Yassir Lester (@Yassir_Lester) September 12, 2017
shout out to this man straight up on a date with himself pic.twitter.com/Dk7lSJVooE— karen zack (@teenybiscuit) May 4, 2016
The title "Sleepy Hollow" describes me twice.— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) September 7, 2017
And the quick thinking, kind hearted hearted human, right time right place award goes to... pic.twitter.com/AYAA5fNTDA— David Videcette (@DavidVidecette) September 9, 2017
When we think cat LADY- we think of a sad woman living alone, but if you say cat WOMAN- then I'm wearing a leather bodysuit and kicking ass.— Debra DiGiovanni (@DebraDiGiovanni) September 14, 2017
My mom just asked me if I remember the character Yoda from Star Wars.— Natasha Leggero (@natashaleggero) September 7, 2017
that motherfucker really put on pants just so he could moon his computer. bold, and also iconic pic.twitter.com/KOqVbqnYvk— count raptula (@brentraptor) September 7, 2017
cause u know i'd walk 1000 miles if I could just see u ...— not p&p (@notpigsandplans) August 21, 2017
2night :) pic.twitter.com/HnsSaxJ1zN
When you're annoying af but also fancy pic.twitter.com/qEaaV8PcmH— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) September 9, 2017
yesterday at work a customer requested food so disgusting that I had to triple-check if that's what she actually wanted— brady maurer (@zipoffs) September 10, 2017
i have a picture of it too— brady maurer (@zipoffs) September 10, 2017
so, it was a meatball panini w/ jalapeños and anchovies. with mayonnaise ON TOP of the sandwich. like literally on top of the top bun— brady maurer (@zipoffs) September 10, 2017
the server brought it out to her and hesitatingly asked "is this what you meant?" and she goes "yes! perfect thank you" pic.twitter.com/brY5pcZDGE— brady maurer (@zipoffs) September 10, 2017
Guess Who? It Is Me, Grant pic.twitter.com/lT8qpSRH3U— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) September 5, 2017
I know it's so early for this plea but this Halloween PLEASE don't put your kid in a mermaid tail that shows their feet it really ruins it— julio torres (@juliothesquare) September 12, 2017
People who send out foul sexual tweets are weird and probably alone.— Larry King (@kingsthings) May 20, 2012
Ahhhhhhhhh that’s better. See ya next week!