Capitol Hill, Washington D.C. -- In an emergency, overnight meeting, President Obama made an official plea to the Republican party to downgrade government purchases from Walmart to Costco.
The president was visibly shaken, "Ladies and Gentlemen, these are historic times. We must cut spending. By a lot. Like tons. Or we're in serious crap. I know shopping at Walmart during these last few years has been awful. I've been right there beside you, enduring the misery.
"But the damn economy won't do what we tell it to do, so we have to cut spending even more. I'm afraid we're going to have to start shopping at Costco.
"Don't worry, I've already purchased a membership card. You guys can borrow it when you go. They never look closely at those things.
"I've already given the order for more supply closets. We're going to need them because we're boing to have to buy in bulk. Each office will need room for 30 pounds of coffee, a thousand Fantas, and a half ton of low grade printer paper.
"When you're in Costco, if you go way in the back, you'll find some very nice suits and ties.
"You'll have to excuse me, I'm still unloading my car. Three more trips should do it. God bless America."