Recently divorced Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have announced their plan to share custody of their six-year-old daughter, Suri.
Apparently Suri will stay with her mother at their Bel Air mansion on weekdays, while spending weekends with her father on the distant planet Xenu, capital of the Galactic Confederacy.
In Bel Air, Tom and Katie's only child will be entering kindergarten at the prestigious Colors of the World Montesorri school, where she will enjoy art, music and dance classes.
Suri will then be transported through an intergalactic wormhole to Xenu, where an army of Loyal Officers will mine her Dianetic potential and groom her to ascend to the Throne of Teegeeck. But not without leaving her enough time to return to Bel Air on Monday morning for children's yoga class.
- BRILL!!! Suri is going to be a Scientologist just like her daddy...