Lassie, Oprah, Hugh Hefner and Michael Jackson in Celebrity Rehab:
Drew, "Welcome. Now we're here to determine who's the biggest celebrity."
Oprah, "I am Queen Supreme Celebrity, global superstar and will be the next pope."
Michael, "Woooo-hoooo I like your hat."
Hugh, "I don't, but will you take off your clothes?"
Oprah, "I am ground breaking and earth shattering, I only remove my clothes for King Gayle."
Hugh, "I was talking to Lassie."
Michael, "What's that dog doin here?"
Drew: "Lassie's suffers from survivor guilt."
Oprah, "But June's alive, I just had a revealing interview with her."
Drew, "Yeh, but she got lost in space.
Hugh, "Did she take off her clothes?"
Drew, "Lassie also has PTSD from saving Timmy.
Oprah, "Kids....that's why I drank detergent to try and kill mine."
Michael, "What the fuck? All I did was have a slumber party."
Oprah, "But I'm OWN."
Michael, "Well I'm bad."
Drew, "Lassie was also a media hound, I guess you can all relate to that."
Hugh, "Was he naked?"
Michael, "I thought he was a girl."
All, "We thought you were too."
Hugh, "Well, I made billions taking pictures of naked women."
Oprah, "What's so big about that?"
Hugh, "Their tits!"
Michael, "I tried to get my tits done, but my nose fell off."
Oprah, "You're a bitch."
Michael, "I know you are, but what am I?"
Oprah, "I was talkin to Lassie."
Hugh, "What did you ever do, Oprah?"
Oprah, "Everyone I interview discloses ground breaking secrets the world already knows."
Michael, "I didn't admit mine, but it didn't matter, cause after I died, everyone liked me again. Woooo-hoooo."
Drew, "Now I think what you're saying is..."
Oprah, "I am an a-ha moment."
Hugh, "I'm lens cracking."
Michael, "Billy Jean was my lover and a young boy."
Drew, "I want some crack."
@copyright donna maysack 2013