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March 11, 2016
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What does Ben Carson know about politics?

Today retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson, who we can only presume has been napping since he dropped out of the presidential campaign, endorsed Donald Trump for president.

He managed to stay awake for a full hour and gave an endorsement speech that started off with him saying he wasn’t sure how he himself ended up running for president. Here’s a hint, Ben. You did it for the same reason Trump is. You’re both power-hungry egomaniacs, it’s just that he’s more charismatic about it.

This is a cute speech and all, but this dude cuts people’s brains open for a living and while that’s impressive it isn’t politics. What I’m getting at is, why do we give a fuck who he wants to vote for? He’s never held a political position. He helps people from dying a bit sooner than they would. But he also, lest we forget, thinks the pyramids are the work of aliens. He also PAUSED his campaign to go home and get a change of clothes. I’ve peed my pants on the subway and gotten a change of clothes on my walk to work. Maybe I should run for president?

Who is Trump going to bring up on stage next to endorse him? An astronaut? Astronauts don’t even work on this planet, let alone this country.

To be safe let’s just assume anyone endorsing Trump isn’t qualified to do so, and to be even safer, let’s not vote for Trump.

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