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Published April 26, 2014

She was watching cat videos on youtube as a black cat stared right at her through the monitor. A hellish portal materialized next to her and The Demon Gooshpanka stepped through it.

“Greetings, human. I am The De-”

“I prefer Jane.”

“Fine. Jane. I am The Demon Gooshpanka.”

“What is this portal?”

“This is how I commute to your human dimension. It is pure energy, made possible by-”

“Is it legal?”

“Well-”

“Never mind, just close it already, can’t you see the air conditioning is on? It’s like having an open window in the middle of the room. ”

“Oh, yes, yes, sorry,” Gooshpanka snapped his red skinned fingers and coughed. The portal closed, and the ideal room temperature was soon restored.

“I traveled here, Jane, because I have a certain proposal which might interes- Umm, Jane?”

“Huh?”

“Do you mind turning that off for a second?”

“Well, I was sort of in the middle of something,” she was glued to the computer monitor and didn’t make any eye contact with The Demon.  

“OK, well, could you at least mute it? Please?”

Jane rolled her eyes but indulged him. She muted the speakers, and diverted a fragment of her attention back to Gooshpanka.

“Jane,” he re-started with a more ceremonial tone, “I possess the power to reverse the boating accident in which your sister got killed.”

It seemed she didn’t quite register the statement, as she kept sneaking peaks back to the cats on youtube.

“You do have a dead sister, right?”

“Umm, yeah.”

“Died in a boating accident?”

“Yeah, yeah, Tuesday.”

“Wednesday.”

“Wednesday! Right.”

“I will reverse the boating accident, and bring your sister back to life, for the price of your eternal soul.”

“Eternal?” Jane scratched the back of her neck, had another sip of her green tea and stared straight into those yellowish demon eyes, “like, forever?”

“Well, yes, forever, eternity,” Gooshpanka sounded almost apologetic.

“I’m afraid that’s a bit much.”

“Ten thousand years?”

“Three weeks.”

“Five thousand years?”

“Three weeks and I get the weekends off.”

“Insolent human!” Fumes of anger smoked out of his nostrils, “these conditions are exploitation! What about your sister? Huh?”

Jane didn’t bother replying. She just kept giving him that same indifferent stare, occasionally scratching another area of her face or neck without breaking eye contact.

“Fine! Three weeks, no weekends!” Gooshpanka was the first to break the awkward silence. He snapped his fingers, and a burning scroll materialized and floated in the air beside them. One by one, black letters wrote themselves on the contract, detailing the agreed upon terms and conditions.

“Sign down here with your blood, human,” Gooshpanka extended one of his sharp talons before her, “cut your wrist upon my finger nail.”

“Nah, it’s cool, I got a pen,” She shrugged his arm aside and applied the pen to the bottom of the contract, but hesitated, leaving a singular dot of ink, but not her name.

“What is it now?” Gooshpanka could hide his frustration no longer.

“I want you to unclog my toilet as well.”

“WHAT?”

“Do me this service, demon, and I shall sign this contract.”

Gooshpanka bit his lip, snapped his fingers once more, and the black letters of the freshly negotiated toilet clause wrote themselves onto the ancient papyrus. Jane awarded him with an approving nod and signed her name at the bottom.

“The toilet’s that way. Thanks.”

“Do you have a plunger?”

“Not really, just use your arm, I’m sure those talons would cut right through.”

Jane looked after him as he lumbered away, toilet bound, shaking his head and murmuring in a low voice. She had another sip of her green tea and sighed, upset with herself. She definitely could have gotten a better deal.

 

Originally published on theslowhello.com , an award winning website that features free snacks and light beverages. 

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