By David Rees
News Alert! Some fancy lady named Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild has decided that Barack Obama is an "elitist" and therefore she's going to endorse John McCain.
Is this the greatest news factoid of all time?
It turns out ol' Lady Lynn Forester der von Rothschild -- who "splits her time time between London and New York" -- was a major fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. (For some reason, I suddenly feel overwhelming sympathy for Sen. Clinton.)
After Obama beat Clinton in the Democratic primary, Lady de Rothschild was probably like, "Boo-hoo, my candidate lost, waah waah, nothing ever goes my way! Jeeves, please lower me into my diamond bathtub -- which is filled with real diamonds -- and shampoo my hair with the triple-distilled tears of orphans. Also, I command you to perform a champagne enema on one of my fine Arabian stallions while I liveblog it on my solid gold typepad account. C'est tres magnificique! (sp?)"
In a display of the trenchant policy analysis that has made her famous, Madame Lady Lynn Forest Whittaker de Rothschild von Pooter explained her McCain endorsement by saying of Obama:
"Frankly, I don't like him."
(As an Obama supporter, I would humbly request that Ladyboo Lynn de Forester von Chili Con Carne travel around the country, greeting voters and announcing that she doesn't like Barack Obama. Please don't forget to wear one of those floofy, flouncey scarves that you can buy at the MoMA store, and also please don't forget to sneer at everyone. May I also request that you wear all your jewels at once?)
I'm sure Obama will lose a lot of sleep over this. I know he was craving the endorsement. After all, we're talking about Baroness Lassie Lynn de von Forester d'el der McRothschild von de Beers VIII, the type of lady every American can relate to and wants to be friends with and definitely doesn't laugh at as soon as she turns her back (to check on her portfolio of private planets she owns).
Maybe now she and Cindy McCain can go shopping together and buy jewels at Cartier and be all like, "Ooh girl, that gem looks so good on your earlobe!" or whatever it is stupid rich old ladies do all day.
More at the Huffington Post:
Richard Gizbert: McCain's Childish Act Is Enough To Outsmart Media