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June 08, 2008


Hello, FODers,

We'll be spending this week of blogging together and I am thrilled. I am NYC based but I am in Los Angeles for the month of June doing a show at UCB LA called "Showgirls: The Best Movie Ever Made, Ever! " This means I have plenty of free time to devote to my blog. You are welcome.

One of the things I have noticed since I have been in LA is an occurrence I am calling "Wayne Newton Mouth." Wayne Newton Mouth or WNM is when a person has plastic surgery on their face and end up with Wayne Newton's mouth. I noticed it on a woman at the gym, it was on the guy with the camouflage pants and "Just for Men" dyed hair biking at the Grove. I think everyone who gets plastic surgery gets the same mouth. Don't believe me? Let's take a peek.

This is Wayne Newton

Look at his mouth. I have seen clowns at children's parties with a less creepy mouth. (Obviously there is a lot wrong with the Wayne Newton photo: the make-up, the eyes so tight he looks like he's impersonating Renee Zellweger, the Mystic Tan, the old-man chest hair, but today we are focusing on just the mouth.)

Meg Ryan has Wayne Newton Mouth.

And she has some weird boobs. It is as if she asked for a mid-belly boob job. "I want HUGE boobs, hovering over my belly button."

Jocelyn Wildenstein has a horrifying example of WNM. Jesus, that woman is scarier than the "Hostel" movies.

How do you think me and my daughter look with Wayne Newton mouth?

Pretty hot.

Coming up tomorrow. Ali Lohan a cougar?