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November 23, 2016
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Some tips to control the situation if America's stepdad shows up a few cocktails deep.

Like any stepdad who just lost his job and has been kind of distant all November, America might worry that theirs will show up drunk to Thanksgiving dinner this year. Here are some tips to control the situation if Tim Kaine does show up unannounced and a few cocktails deep to your family’s Thanksgiving dinner:

DO call him “Tim.” If you’re not going to call him “Dad,” at least don’t call him “Mr. Kaine.” Mr. Kaine was his father.

DON’T touch his harmonica. From what we can tell, Kaine should be a peaceful and generally a pleasant drunk, but, like all of us, he has his triggers.

DO let him sing the blues. Everyone has their own way of processing. If the harmonica comes out, let him play. Sure, it will be disruptive to conversation, but Thanksgiving requires compromise, and this year, Kaine has earned the right.

DON’T let him say the prayer. Even sober, Kaine looks like a guy whose prayers ramble way too long.

DON’T ask him if he’s been in touch with Hillary since they separated. Because if he decides to call her right then and there and ends up saying some things he regrets, you share the blame

DON’T ask him what he’s going to do now. Your intentions may be well-meaning, but it easily could be misinterpreted in Kaine’s wounded state. Kaine obviously had a job before the election and must have been very successful at it. If we had to guess, salesman for an upscale gentlemen’s clothier at the mall.

DON’T treat him like a baby. Tim Kaine is a big boy.

DO treat him like a dog—in the sense that Tim Kaine likes to be scratched behind the ears and have his belly rubbed. Plus, he loves treats.

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