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June 07, 2011

Ten signs your boyfriend is definitely fucking other people

1.  He says, "I'm cheating on you"

2.  His asshole is wider than you remember

3.  You don't give him blow job's.  If you're too good for bj's, you can rest assured, he will find somebody else that is not above it.

4.  He works out a lot.  You want him at least 30 pounds overweight and falling asleep on the couch every night.  Then you'll have nothing to worry about.  *Bonus Tip*:  Watch out for new haircut, muscles, gym membership, jacket, car, tan, suit, and confidence.

5.  He's happy

6.  He has several "business" meetings a week.  I'm using quotations around business to infer that the only business he's settling, involves him sticking his penis in another woman's vagina.  Repeatedly.  Until achieving ejaculation on and around her breasts and face.

7.  Your vagina turns into a war zone of itching and burning

8.  He's always getting calls, saying, "I have to take this.  It's work.  Sorry honey".  Lying piece of shit.  He hasn't worked in 2 months.

9.  Your best friend seems really happy all the sudden for no apparent reason

10.  Everybody is whispering when you enter the room. Then they go dead silent.  This happens anywhere from the movie theater to the dinner table at Thanksgiving.  Everyone but you knows.

Don't worry ladies.  The cheating girlfriend edition is coming very soon