Published February 20, 2012 More Info »
16 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
Published February 20, 2012

When I originally sat down to start writing my personal essay, I tried to think of a route that could win me the sympathy of the reader. While sifting through the depths of my psyche for some traumatic event that I had to struggle with in my childhood, I came up empty handed. At no point did I lose my parents to some freak accident, forcing me to enter into an abusive foster home nor did I escape from a country that had been crippled with civil war forcing me to become a refugee. My entire life, I grew up a moderately privileged Caucasian male living in an upper-middle class neighborhood. Needless to say, my life has been pretty good and I honestly think that has been my disadvantage.


A life without problems can be extremely detrimental to an individual. I wake up everyday and I know that the coffee will always be hot, my fridge will be full and the bathroom will be over equipped with an unnecessary amount of 3-ply toilet paper. It sucks. Without tragedy, how can one be expected to triumph? How am I supposed to overcome adversity when I have no adversities to overcome? While there are people out there all over the world that have to worry about militant groups burning down their village, I have boring struggles like trying to remember whether the recycling bin is supposed to go out this week or next week.


Moving onto my grades. I realize that they are far from par and while I'd like to attribute that to having an alcoholic father who made studying impossible, I can't. I had more than enough resources and space for studying and should probably have done somewhat better if not a lot better. I, however, enjoyed spending my time occupying various altered states of reality instead of focusing on long division or grammar.


You've probably noticed that on my application I have myself as undeclared. This is probably for the best. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. That's all I really have to say about that. The additional words in this paragraph are just filler words. Let us move on.


If admitted to your establishment, I'll probably coast by for a few years with barely passing grades until I slip over the cusp into failure, forcing me to go on a “hiatus”. The one thing I can assure with great confidence is that the checks will always clear. You should view me more as a short term business venture than as a future alum who will eventually donate a library or locker room for the cricket team. I honestly don't even know what sports you offer... Hopefully cricket.


Hopefully my honesty has been a refreshing change of pace from the normal college essays you've been receiving. Should you decide to reject me, I can always manage to find some connection through my parents that will get me into the university. I don't want to have to take that route because it will only further perpetuate the ease that is my life but I will begrudgingly do so if need be. So in conclusion, whether my words have been persuasive or discouraging, I look forward to seeing you next year. Bye.