or
2 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
283 Views
Published November 07, 2011

Dear HBO,

I love you and your various sister channels; HOBO offers the best in homeless programming, H(BO) proves that not all body odour stinks, and HB-YO is perfect for the black guy in me. You have been filling niches as long as your executive producers have been filling hot interns (with opportunity). Truly you guys know how to make not TV. Out of all of your Original Series my absolute favourite has to be “Game of Thrones" a program that is equal parts decapitation and masturbation. This show proves that the best way to a man's heart is through a throat thrust as delivered by a nomadic Horse Lord/Baywatch Stud (ladies take notes). Now I know that last year's killing off of some major characters resulted in many tear-stained Willow Cases (seriously your show is like Willow with tits ( the dwarf movie and not the Pinkett-Smith)). I admit that aside from adding a Guardian Owl there's not much that can be done to quell these qualms (and we all know those owls are looking for that sequel money). However, I think I might have just the solution to help you guys avoid a sophomore slump and keep that spark going.

Imagine if you will a Venn diagram; one circle contains everything men are interested in and the other contains everything a team of men think women are interested in. Now picture the place where these two circles overlap; looks like a bare butt on a car window doesn't it? This type of visual gag is exactly the type of thing you will see on the hit NBC (literally) show "Whitney" starring famed Comedaskank Whitney Cummings. NBC knows that if you want to be hilariously broad you need to get a hilarious broad. So HBO my suggestion to you is to go out and get yourself a Whitney Cummings and as history has shown us the best person to play Whitney Cummings is Whitney Cummings! I've even taken the liberty of writing a promo for you to make sure she is introduced smoothly!

"She might not have the biggest Dothraki but she will sure do something wacky *insert laugh track* She will probably make a stink face as she grinds up on your Dinklage *insert laugh track* She *insert laugh track* will *insert laugh track* flash *insert laugh track* that *insert laugh track* collagen smile *insert laugh track* as you do her Sandor "The Hound" Style *insert laugh track* Watch out because Whitney is Cummings and there's a new hoe in Westeros!"

I will take my million dollars in the form of a giant novelty check,

You’re Welcome,

Jeff D’Silva

P.S.  The name change is optional but I think it’s punchier.

Picture from MS Paint

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web