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October 22, 2014

Her business card reads "Ruth Bader Ginsburg, brilliant jurist/badass MC." Here is a look at a typical day in the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, goddamn American hero.

81-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been on the bench for 21 years, but she’s as feisty as ever. There is just so much to love about this tiny old Jewish lady. Her eloquent, outspoken dissents to the Court’s more conservative decisions. Her little neck doilies. The way she gives journalists T-shirts with her face and the words “Notorious R.B.G.” on them. Here is a look at a typical day in the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, goddamn American hero.

7:45 AM: Wakes up and punches a strict constructionist in the face

7:50 AM: Kicks male models out of bed. Gives them their Night With Ginsburg farewell gift bag, containing signed neck ruffle, signed gavel, DVD of her greatest decisions

8:05 AM: Kisses husband good morning

8:10 AM: Writes a scathing dissent to nutritional facts on Cheerios box, just to keep scathing muscles sharp

8:11 AM: Cheerios box cries

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Ginsburg relaxes after leading Seal Team Six’s raid against Osama Bin Laden

8:30 AM: Rides favorite pimped-out motorcycle, Hogeus Corpus, to Supreme Court

8:45 AM–9:00 AM: Wrestles sharks

9:00 AM–10:00 AM: Realizes sharks are endangered, performs shark CPR, carries them back to ocean habitat

10:00 AM–11:00 AM: Nap (she is 81)

11:15 AM: Prank calls the Pope to remind him that abortion’s still legal

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Ginsburg backstage at the Garden after just shredding “Stairway to Heaven”

11:37 AM: Asks cogent question about limits of religious freedom in Holt v. Hobbs

12:05 PM: Calls out Kanye West on Twitter for ripping off “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” from her opinion in Ledbetter v. Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co.

12:06 PM: Kanye West admits everything; Kim Kardashian offers RBG her love

12:17 PM: Reads Jezebel

3:00 PM: Turns down role of Jason Bourne in upcoming Bourne franchise film

3:30 PM–4:14 PM: Supreme Court stuff

7 PM: Hops up to the Garden to open for Springsteen

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Ginsburg’s neck doily never changes, but the one in this official portrait grows longer every year

11:00 PM: Sneaks into Scalia’s house as he sleeps and reads her dissent on Veasey v. Texas into his ear

11:57 PM: Hot milk, falls asleep in easy chair watching Charlie Rose

1 AM–4 AM: Rave

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