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May 20, 2011
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California - Just when it seemed like all of Arnold Schwarzenegger's awful secrets had been uncovered, his ex-secretary opened up with another bit of horrifying news. Arnold is a terminator from the future.

California - Just when it seemed like all of Arnold Schwarzenegger's awful secrets had been uncovered, his ex-secretary opened up with another bit of horrifying news. Arnold is a terminator from the future.

Stephanie Milton spoke through tears in front of the cameras, "It's the truth. He's a terminator. One day I walked in on him repairing himself. After all these years. He's a freaking robot!"

One local Terminator expert said that, "Even without further investigation, this fact explains a lot of things Schwarzenegger has been able to do over the years. Those weights he lifted when he was younger were way heavy. Only a terminator could lift those. He was the governor of California and never once lost his temper. Again, terminator. And the final piece of the puzzle for me is that he beat Action Jackson in an arm wrestle in The Predator. Definitely terminator."

Local law enforcement plans to shoot Schwarzenegger on site just to be on the safe side.

One police officer said, "He may have been the governor for four years, but now that he's a terminator all bets are off."

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