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October 23, 2011

Are you socially awkward? Read this list to find out.

Social Awkwardness Checklist

                Are you socially awkward? Social awkwardness affects millions of Americans a year and accounts for millions of situations being made awkward. Social awkwardness is a severe disorder and can be treated if discovered early enough. If you experience seven or more of these symptoms, you may want to contact a medical professional immediately (as in, right now).

Symptoms of Social Awkwardness

-Do you find yourself not using the middle urinal because someone may use the urinal besides you?

-Do you find yourself looking down at your cellphone and walking past someone you only somewhat know very quickly to avoid talking to them?

-Do you often attempt to smell yourself covertly throughout the day because you fear that you secretly smell?

-Does the concept of holding a baby terrify you?

-Would you rather glimpse into hell than into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex?

-Do you frequently get sweaty around members of the opposite sex?

-Have you ever said “I’m doing fine, what about you?” to open a conversation?

-Have you ever accidently ordered a small-medium drink at a restaurant?

-Have you ever answered yes or no to a question that cannot be answered with a yes or no?

-Do you often get the feeling that the opposite sex knows that you are staring at them?

-Would you compare the experience of using a public restroom to waterboarding?

-Are you terrified of talking to children because people might think you are a sex offender?

-When singing along with the song, have you ever started singing the chorus too early?

-Do you equate the term “stranger danger” to simply talking to a stranger?

-When being insulted, do you simply just respond with unintelligible baby noises?

-Do you find yourself spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about whether the person you are talking to should be referred to as Black or an African-American?

-Do you often find yourself explaining the jokes that you tell?

-Do you often find yourself making “Why am I so alone?” statuses on Facebook?

-When approached by the opposite sex, do you always find yourself seemingly covered in pizza crumbs?

-Would you rather get curb stomped than participate in a group project?

-Have you clogged a toilet in a public restroom?

-When having success with the opposite sex, did you ruin it by urinating yourself?

-Do you often wave at people who do not notice you?

-Have you ever sung obnoxiously in public by complete accident?

-Do you shake people’s fingers instead of their hands?

-Do people frequently hear you talk to yourself and stare at you?

-Do you often try to read the text messages of someone who is sitting near you to see if that person is texting about you?

-When being photographed, do you just not know what to do with your hands?

-When driving through a drive-thru, have you ever accidently ordered your meal to go?