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June 22, 2016
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Are you a bit of a show off and a poser? Do you take loads of selfies and post them on Facebook? Do you think all the world’s a stage and life’s too short to work? Then you could become an Actor!

Fallen out of love with your career? You should become a Bailiff!

What do they get up to?Are you a bit of a show off and a poser? Do you take loads of selfies and post them on Facebook? Do you think all the world’s a stage and life’s too short to work? Then you could become an Actor!

There are various different types of jobs for people looking to break into the acting industry, from live theatre and touring productions to television radio and feature films.

An Actor’s day-to- day activities will vary widely, but typical responsibilities will include:

• Learning lines and attending auditions
• Meeting with agents to discuss how much of your money they’ll take
• Sleeping with dirty old men
• Recording voice-overs
• Drinking a lot

Is it right for me though?Actors are well known selfish bastards. To become a successful Actor, dedication and resilience are absolutely essential – as is being massively delusional.

Lots of Actors spend a good deal of their time between jobs drinking, boasting and taking drugs, so you may need alternative employment – like prostitution or drug dealing – to support yourself until your next role comes up.

You will often also need to be extremely arrogant, especially when attending so many auditions. And in order to seek acting as a profession, having an agent who will take up to 20% of your pay cheque for doing literally nothing is almost a pre-requisite.

A good Actor will be:

• Great at talking about themselves to all kinds of people
• Able to get about quickly on the tube and bus network
• Good at pretending
• Able to do funny voices
• Thick-skinned to deal with any criticism
• A bastard

Come on, what’s it really like?“Being an actor can be tough, as I’m constantly offering my bottom out to line up more work and there isn’t the same job security you might get in violent robbery or shelf stacking. I also love being able to pretend to be other people and getting the chance to express a range of emotions I wouldn’t normally get – like feeling guilty and crying. Meeting lots of interesting fellow Actors is another highlight especially if you can have sex with them.” – Mike Oxbigg

Get qualified
You may not need any qualifications to become an Actor, but going to drama school or getting a degree in this discipline could be an advantage, especially when it comes to learning some of the fundamentals.

Alternatively, if that sounds too much like work, then if you’re a woman, hanging around TV studios and offering to suck the bell-ends of dirty old buggers in the industry will definitely help.

And probably if you’re a man too.

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