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April 10, 2017

an updated list of commandments for the world of video games

The Ten Commandments and their gaming equivalents(that you probably broke)

The ten commandments are a set of rules for life, but because they were written so long ago, can we really apply them to the aspects of modern life, particularly the most important aspect of modern life: Video Games. With that in mind here are the ten commandments and their gaming equivalents.

1) Thou shalt have no other Gods before me=Thou shalt have no other platform before me

The global conflicts currently affecting the world may seem pretty intense, but they have nothing on the eternal conflict of the console wars. Believe me, if a PC gamer is caught with an Xbox, or a PlayStation player caught with a switch, their console buddies will turn on them faster than Judas being offered thirty pieces of silver. Hell, this conflict even has its own version of a “master race”.

2) Thou shalt not make false Idols=Thou shalt not pre-order

Stick with me on this one, for years now, companies have allowed consumers to purchase their games months before release, and as long as the right franchise(or “false idol”) is slapped on the cover, thousands will pre-order. I understand the temptation, but pre-ordering only sets you up for disappointment when the reviews come out and the game sucks, but you’ve already bought it.

3) Thou shalt not take the lord’s name in vain=Thou shalt not rage on team chat

Nobody’s perfect, we all make mistakes and that’s OK. Mistakes can help us grow and develop as people, you know what doesn’t help us grow? Hearing someone on your team test the limits of sound as they endlessly rage at your mistake. Be it a 12 year old with an unfortunate vocabulary, or a 35 year old who should probably know better by now, the pain of being shamed by your team never truly fades.

4) Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy=Remember the Steam sale day

One of the biggest draws to the PC gaming market is the sales that PC game distributor steam regularly holds and on those days there’s more celebration than Christmas(and not just because they have them on Christmas).

5) Honour thy mother and thy father= Honour thy Indie developer

When Assassin’s Creed Unity or Sonic Boom are full of bugs and still brandish a $60 price tags, there’s no shame in full on rage mode, but cut indie developers some slack, they’re the only thing which means we’re not left with just companies like EA. Let that sink in.

6) Thou shalt not kill=…OK thou shalt kill

It may seem like cheating on the list but killing is an integral part of gaming and if you can honestly say that in your entire gaming life you’ve never taken a single virtual life, then you may be the holiest of us all…or you know, you only play candy crush.

7) Thou shalt not commit adultery=Thou shalt not team kill

OK, so team killing isn’t exactly adultery, but there’s something about the betrayal felt when another proud member of team blue takes you out for the fun of it.

8) Thou shalt not steal=Thou shalt not kill steal

Ask any online gamer and they’ll explain the pure rage they feel whenever a enemy is fought within an inch of their life only to be finished off by some opportunistic monster waiting in the wings. OK, so the kill still goes to the team’s overall score but come on, I earned that kill.

9) Thou Shalt not bear false witness=Thou shalt not spread fake gaming rumours

This one may seem like harmless fun but if anyone has spent hours trying to get Mew out from underneath that damn truck, or felt a wave of disappointment as they learn there is no Pikablu, then they will know how painful these fake rumours can be.

10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour=Thou shalt not pirate indie games

Look, I get it, times are tough and you just can’t afford to buy every game. You may even claim you’re sticking it to the giant corporations like EA to justify pirating Mass Effect: Andromeda, but pirating a sweet little indie game, have you no shame?