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May 10, 2016
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It seems impossible, but it is true: there is no Civil War porn parody! Here are some casting ideas to help solve this problem.

It sounds impossible,but it is true: there is no Captain America: Civil War porn parody! Pornographers everywhere, you have a goldmine here. You can have this wonderful (but frankly obvious) idea for free. Just make the damn thing. Here are some casting ideas to help solve this problem.

#teamcap

Captain America

Cap himself has to be portrait by someone who is flexible, because he will have fight scenes with Iron Man,Spider Man, and also with Black Widow. Right of the bet, I suggest James Deen. His acting experience on the 2013 drama The Canyons will be handy when it comes to more emotional stuff.

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Ready for the action

Scarlet Witch

To be honest, I just googled Olsen + pornstar. Anya Olsen’s name came up. Not bad!

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Costume design: check

Sharon Carter

Mia Malkova. Why? Mia is known for her “bubble butt.” Can’t you see the similarity here? More than that, Mia is an award winning porn star. And she can kick ass, as her MCU counterpart. (At least I think so.)

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New Agent Carter (note: oldshould be played by a Milf)

Falcon, Bucky, and Ant-Man

Random porn dudes.

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Let Sean Michaels fly as Falcon

#teamironman

Tony Stark

He has the chops. He has the life experience. He has the swag. Ron Jeremy is the RDJ of porn. No one can memorize a dialogue and still have a boner like Ron.

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Stark’s heart condition: Check.

Black Widow

This is the most difficult role to cast. The emotional depth, the subtleties, and the tight suit. It all makes Black Widow one of the most memorable characters from the MCU. Jeanie Marie Sullivan and/or Ancilla Tilia are our bets for the role.

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Spot the differences

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Suit up!

Black Panther, Vision,War Machine

Random Porn dudes!

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Let Sean Michaels flyas WM, purr like BP

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