Full Credits

Written by Josh Simpson

Stats & Data

February 24, 2009


President Obama has been traveling across the country in recent weeks drumming up support for his $787 billion economic stimulus package.  He travels across state lines via Air Force One, county lines via Lincoln Town Car and city streets via his own personal carrier, Leo Pinson.

"Yes, I pay a guy to physically pick me up and carry me short distances," said President Obama, "but I'm the President, so I feel like I can do that.  I'm not starting any wars or anything.  I just hate walking and I enjoy being held.  Next question."  

Republicans have been quick to criticize President Obama for hiring a man to carry him around.  "We're in one of the biggest economic disasters in our nation's history and our leader is paying a man just so he doesn't have to walk?" said Gov. Mitt Romney.  "Bush walked everywhere!  It's time for the President to stand on his own two feet."

What the critics don't realize is that Leo Pinson has been running his Carrying business for over 15 years.  He's carried around celebrities, the elderly and people with lazy legs since as long as he can remember.  Business had slowed to a snail's pace, and Mr. Pinson was about to go out of business until he got the call from the Whitehouse."

 "I'd almost given up hope.  I like my job!" said Mr. Pinson while toting President Obama down the street to a bakery.  "I thought I was going to be forced to carry normal old things around a factory, but here I am holding the President of the United States in my arms!  I mean, sure he's a big guy and it can get tiring, but he's real good about making his body nice and stiff so it's easier for me."

I asked the President if he'd ever considered riding a segway instead of being carried from place to place to which he responded, "I am not a wiener."