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November 05, 2010

I am here to share with you the untold stories, verses, and lessons of the Bible as told to me by God and/or Jesus him(s)self. I feel it is my duty to all mankind to spread the warming light of the Lord and his teachings. Enjoy.

Here are the revised words from God I have recently recieved. I hope to have more visits from the Lord shortly.

-Today's verse comes from Guido 127:145, And Jesus said, "Tuesdays will be reserved for tacos, but only after I create Mexicans. You may also worship tacos on Thursdays in some cases, all else is blasphemy!"

-From Colostomian 8:17, "No man shall lay with another man, unless he is unknowingly laying with a post-op tranny."

-I know in Deuteronomy 25:11-12 I state if a wife grabs a man's penis during a fight, you shall cut her hand off. But I would like to ammend that today. You may only cut her hand off if she grabs it violently, like white knuckled. Also, if she is menstruating when she grabs it, you must kill a coup
le pigeons, cut your penis off, and kill her, in that order. Thank YouEsq.- God H. Christ -

-And the Lord told unto his children, "My children, please master the skill of pulling out, as I have yet to invent condoms. Nevertheless, I do not believe I will condone their use when I do create them, Amen"

- "Dear faithful, please do away with all these crucifixes already. If I ever come back the last thing I want to see is that wretched cross. Did we remember JFK by wearing little sniper rifles necklaces, or did we remember Princess Di with little wrecked Mercedes pins? No, so enough is enough, Thanks, Jesus"