After scouring the Earth for over 300 days, we have confidently selected the 10 individuals with the greatest beards in all the world.
Coming in at #10 is….
A goat! Holy shit. We found this goat standing in front of a white screen, and we loved the classic goatee making love to his chin. This goat’s beard is as confident and wise as the goat himself.
The #9 beard of 2015 is:
Another goat! This one with a real horse tail of a goatee, my oh my. The slant to the side, the dark tips - this goat’s so emo-punk he could front Good Charlotte tomorrow and no one would be the wiser.
The #8 beard of 2015 is:
Holy shit yet another goat! One look in the eyes tells you this goat knows that yeti’s paw of a goatee he’s growing is sexy as hell in a thong.
And now, here it is, #7:
Four goats in a row? If this were poker, and goats were kings, who knows what I’d have! Anyway, this goat looks like he ripped the hair out of Chewbacca’s armpit.
The #6 beard of 2015 is:
You got to be kidding me. Another goat? Also, this is a pretty standard goatee for my tastes, but the other 247 judges disagreed with me, calling it a “perfect tugger.”
And now, the #5 beard of 2015 is:
Wow-ee zow-ee, it’s a real goat party! And look at this beaut, too - looks like somebody ordered “The Rachel” on their last trip to the goat salon.
Here it is, #4 beard of 2015:
Well lift my skirt and fuck me against a barn at dawn, it’s another goat! This little stoner’s got a chin-dangler with more twists than a mile-long Twizzler.
And now, the #3 beard of all time if time were only a year long:
A goat!! I wouldn’t have guessed that one, not that time. But who’s to argue with a beard that makes the goat look like he’s got half the state of Florida hanging on?
The #2 beard of 2015 is:
WHOA. I’d say we got another goat on our hands, but this guy looks more like a god of wisdom with two beards. Two beards that look like they themselves have their own white beards. Beards with beards - who can possibly beat that?
Well, we’re about to find out. Here she is, the #1 beard of 2015:
I mean there’s no arguing with this. This goat has the front of a canoe stapled to his jaw. That looks like the honeymoon suite bed for a couple of mice. Seriously, he could pierce a watermelon with that thing.