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Published January 22, 2012

Last year was fun for the most part. But still, I wake up every day wondering “How do I sleep at night.” Well the answer to that is because 2011 didn’t answer the mind fucking questions that are driving us all crazy. Well last year pap-smear. Who needs years when you have regular people. So do you have an answer to these questions?

 

LET GO

 

  • If zebras attack each other is it “black on black “ crime or “white on white” crime?
  • If you can go down on short guys do you go up on tall people?
  • Why doesn’t snow taste like sugar, or at the very least cocaine?
  • If the glaciers melt where are we going to get all our ice cream from?
  • Where does Waldo get the money for all these exotic trips? And what’s he running from?
  • If you stick a Dr.Dre Beats headphone jack inside your ear can another person listen to your thoughts?
  • If it’s a dog eat dog world is it better to just be Korean?
  • We know who Florence is but who’s the machine?
  • Where does the make a wish foundation get all its wishes from? Are they holding a genie against his will?
  • Swiss cheese has holes in it. So do Swiss people have holes in them?
  • Do Jews love Hitler like kids love pineapple Pizza?
  • How would a rainy day fund be useful. . . in the desert?
  • Are gay sesame street characters Ironic?
  • In what ways are Chinese people exactly like Keebler elves?
  • Do only fuck ups write in pencil?
  • I’m eating yogurt, texting, talking on the phone, and masturbating all at the same time. What’s really hood?
  • Like Google, how does god know everything
  • Where’s the beef in India?
  • If you Google the song “Niggas In Paris” does Google say “Did you mean N-words in Paris?”
  • If a man is traveling at a speed of 22 Mph while running alongside a train traveling at 100 Mph and if there is north eastern wind blowing at a speed of 23 Mph in the surrounding area  then how long will it take for a puppy to get its shit together?
  • How do you know your “the shit?”
  • Are you “The Shit” when your computer capitalizes your name for you?
  • If dogs have four legs why are they bad dancers?
  • What would have happened if Jesus rose from the dead as A ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEE!?!?!?!?
  • How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
  • Who has the right of way, a baby with candy or a diabetic?
  • If knowledge is power why aren’t we beating the shit out of each other with books
  • Is life worth living without your middle finger?
  • Who would win in a fight between Adam Sandler in “Jack and Jill” and Adam Sandler In anything good?
  • Is Crystal Meth classier than regular meth?
  • How long will it take for Michael Jackson to rise from the dead just to dance to “Thriller” on Halloween?
  • Does eating Yoplait light in public make me look like a pussy?
  • Where do black people get there slang from?
  • Seriously, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
  • Conjunction Junction what’s your function?
  • How come nobody has ever asked a Muppet “What’s up your ass?”
  • If you are addicted to watching the BET Network, is it really worth it?
  • How can you get crunk off Mountain Dew?

 

@DavidAyalasOk

 

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