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July 22, 2008


my roommate is the funniest person i have ever encountered in my life. he says whatever pops into his brain as it's happening...it's like living with the real time narration of a hunter s. thompson novel...with a few episodes of sesame street thrown in, just to keep you on your toes. he calles me T-won (as in 'T' and then 'juan') and sometimes he calls my wife K-won (same thing...except with a 'K')...sometimes he calls her 'Cracky-McCrackwhore' which also shortens to just 'cracky' more often than not...but his favorite name for her is simply 'VAG'.

he will repeatedly ask her about the current state of her vagina and frequently request she insert random objects into it. often he will ask me to put my thumb in her butt...i have not, as of yet, complied.

He and i have had a torrid, if completely imaginary, gay love affair. i like the way he bites me while i do him from the missionary position...

he plays world of warcraft and sings about what he's doing while he's playing...songs such as 'i like to harvest the souls of my enemies' have become classics around my house.

he constantly insults the plants my wife is growing on our deck...he tells the lettuce that it is a worthless leaf with no real nutritional value...the swiss chard that it will be eaten by birds, and he just screams DIE DIE! at everything else.

oh, and speaking of insults...he likes to randomly say, "i hate you K-won" as he passes my wife the bong...it's okay she can take it.

there is nothing better than watching 'ellen' with him...well, there are a few things...

he introduced me to the talking heads...changed my life a little bit that day

he sleeps on a cot

he is the last of the butt ninjas.

if you ever see him in reality...well, that's all you'll do is see him because he's like kaiser souze...he'll pop his head out for a minute and the POOF! gone forever...(he's an agoraphobic though...not the leader of an international crime syndicate)