Full Credits

Stats & Data

July 28, 2014

I ask politicians about what can be done about gangs.



On Friday, July 25, 2014, another gang-related shooting occurred in Chicago. Three bullets hit a 3-year old child who was not the intended target. The Chicago Police Superintendent Gary McCarthy called it a “grievous act.”

Politicians proclaimed their solution they say to every incident like this, “We have to get illegal guns off of the street!”

When I asked whether legalizing drugs would help, because drug cartels bring their drugs to gangs and gangs make money off of the sale of illegal drugs and that the prohibition of anything has never ever worked in a positive way, they responded, “We have to get illegal guns off of the street!” as if a tape recorder played the previous time they said it.

When I asked whether the U.S.‘s war on drugs has caused the massive influx of illegal immigrants into this country due to making South American countries completely corrupt, poor, and violent ghettos, the politicians said that in a John Boehner manner, “The war on drugs is the American way! Just think about how many people would become unemployed if we got rid of the DEA. What you are talking about is something that we cannot do.” They started getting really flustered and angry due to logical ideas that their brains could not process.

When I asked how many children have to get shot and killed in the U.S. due to gang-related shootings before something changes, the politicians yelled like Ron Burgandy, “You stop this! You stop this right now!” The politicians started crying and hyperventilating. So, they picked up medicine balls to squeeze. Then they cried for their mothers.

When I asked why they could not just answer the question, the politicians shouted, “BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” They then fell to their knees and began to suck their thumbs. I begged them to just think about what I was asking them. Then they did back flips down through the room straight through the window falling to their deaths.

“Great! More victims of the war on drugs!” I thought. But for some reason I didn’t feel too bad about these people dying. Then I realized–THE WAR DRUGS REALLY IS A GOOD THING!