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June 26, 2012

After Jerry Sandusky was convicted of sexually assaulting ten boys, director Robert Rodreguez offered him a role in his new film, 'Machete Kills'.

Just moments after Jerry Sandusky was convicted of sexually assaulting ten boys, the retired Penn State assistant football coach received an offer from director Robert Rodreguez to star alongside Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen in the upcoming Machete sequel, Machete Kills.

"We really needed somebody with experience playing Catholic Bishops," Rodriguez told media, explaining the unusual casting choice. "But more importantly, Sheen was worried about being the biggest asshole on set. So I promised I'd find a bigger one."

Rodriguez explains that actors often get nervous when they know that everybody else on set thinks they're an asshole.

"It's a domino effect. I cast Michelle Rodriguez, who everyone knows is an insufferable bitch. How do you take that monicker off of her? Bring in Sheen, an even bigger insufferable bitch. Sheen gets sensitive and enter Gibson, until we finally work our way down to Jerry Sandusky. It doesn't get any worse than a child molester."

HOLLYWOOD LEEK UPDATE: Donald Trump has just been signed to star in Machette Kills.