- Mommy, Daddy, probably my most FAVORITEST part of Christmas is opening up my stocking! Because not only are the items in there fun-sized and entertaining, they're practical for my everyday life and social activities!! Like...see...colored pencils! I take a lot of notes, right? And red is the bestest color of all! A Transformers watch? So I can know when the sun is setting! Tube socks? I can always use some of these. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans make an EXCELLENT placebo. Squeee!! Mini-binoculars!! I'm so going to use these.  Oh my god! Sillybandz!!!! I can use these to choke myself while masturbating! I love you so much!!! You're the best Mommy and Daddy in the whole wide world!!!

- Umm. Maybe we aren't.