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SONGS OF LIBYA: AN ODE TO MOAMMAR GADHAFI

By Michael Lake

 

(VT PRETAPE: STOCK FOOTAGE OF LIBYANS PROTESTING. MOAMMAR GADHAFI GIVING HIS SPEECH. ETC.)

 

ANNOUNCER

Any day now, the 42 year reign of Moammar Gadhafi could come to an end. Like the guy’s politics or not, you can’t deny that’s a long time! That’s more than FIVE George W. Bushes! So be sure to get your hands on the soon-to-be-hottest album in Northern Africa, “SONGS OF LIBYA: AN ODE TO MOAMMAR GADHAFI”! Featuring new songs from the likes of... pop sensation The Black Eyed Peas!

 

(CUT TO: THE BLACK EYED PEAS STANDING ON STAGE)

 

(INSTRUMENTAL: “I GOTTA FEELING”)

 

(SUPER: BLACK EYED PEAS, “I GADHAFI-LING”)

 

BLACK EYED PEAS

“I Gadhafi-ling,

That tonight's gonna be a good night,
That tonight's gonna be a good night,
That he just done ruled Libya a long, long,   time...

Moammar Gadhafi,
You can spell it with one d or two d's,
You can spell it with apostrophes,
Even add an "el" or an "al" if you please...


I am the leader! Of Libya!
I'll die a martyr! Or not at all!
Call me the Colonel! That's who I am!
Just don't confuse me with that ch-chicken man!”

 

ANNOUNCER

Moammar Gadhafi’s been the most buzzed-about dictator of the year! Look at all the world conflict he’s created! Who better to commentate on world conflict than Shaggy?

 

(CUT TO: SHAGGY STANDING AT A MICROPHONE)

 

(INSTRUMENTAL: “IT WASN’T ME”)

 

(SUPER: “IT WASN’T HE”)

 

SHAGGY

“Try to convict him on the war crimes
(It wasn't he)

Forget that he offered them a peace talk
(Gadhafi)

Obama is a false prophet
(Isn’t he)

You only attack him for his oil!
(So guilty)”

 

ANNOUNCER

And who could forget the lovably generic sounds of Jason Mraz?

 

(CUT TO: JASON MRAZ, HOLDING A GUITAR, STANDS AT THE MICROPHONE)

 

(INSTRUMENTAL: “I’M YOURS”)

 

(SUPER: “CIVIL WARS”)

 

JASON MRAZ

“Well he done run Libya for forty-two years,

You can bet that he is crazier than all his peers,

Egypt, Afghanistan, Tunisia, Iran,

There is so much hate, even right here, green flags, white flags, civil w-a-a-a-rs!”

 

(JASON DANCES AND WAVES HIS HANDS WEIRDLY)

 

 

ANNOUNCER

There are so many ways to spell “Gadhafi” his name is constantly changing. Much like David “Ziggy Stardust” Bowie!

 

(CUT TO: DAVID BOWIE, AS ZIGGY STARDUST, STANDING AT THE MICROPHONE)

 

DAVID BOWIE

“Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo,  
    

Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo,

Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo,

Rebels, Rebels, your country’s a mess,

Rebels, Rebels, who you trying to impress,

Rebels, Rebels, just give up the show,

Libya! it’s a no-fly zone!”  

 

 

ANNOUNCER

Fun fact, during Gadhafi’s 42 year rule as dictator he never ONCE slept. Neither has Ke$ha!

 

(CUT TO: KE$HA GRABBING THE MICROPHONE, LEANING AND CROUCHING WEIRDLY AS SHE SINGS)

 

(INSTRUMENTAL: “WE R WHO WE R”, KE$HA)

 

 

(SUPER: KE$HA, “WE R MOAMMAR”)

 

KE$HA

“Hot and dangerous,

Gadhafi is the King of the Libyans,

You know he makes the citizens fall in love,

You know that he’ll kill you if you don’t,

Yes, Moammar should be in Star Wars

Because of his funny name and his Jedi robes,

Just like MC Hammer you can’t touch this bro,

Got forty bodyguards who live in his home!”

 

 

ANNOUNCER

Like we said before, spelling Gadhafi’s name can be tricky. Who knows more about tricky than... RUN DMC?

 

(CUT TO: RUN DMC ON STAGE)

 

(INSTRUMENTAL: “IT’S TRICKY”, RUN DMC)

 

(SUPER: “SPELLING’S TRICKY”, RUN DMC)

 

RUN DMC SINGER

“This speech is my recital,

The Colonel is his title,

A hundred ways to spell the name,

Of this Libyan idol!

It’s tricky to spell his name,

A “Q”, a “K”, three “D”s, an “A”,         

 
It’s tricky (Even with the spell check)”

 

 

(CUT TO: GRAPHIC: “SONGS OF LIBYA” CD COVER. GADHAFI’S NAME CROSSED OUT AND RE-SPELLED SEVERAL TIMES)

 

(SCROLL: THE WEATHER GIRLS, BON JOVI, THE PET SHOP BOYS, A-HA, LADY GAGA, OINGO BOINGO, VANILLA ICE, RIGHT SAID FRED, THE SMASHING PUMPKINS, REBECCA BLACK...AND LOU BEGA)

 

 

ANNOUNCER

“SONGS OF LIBYA”. Featuring over 40 tracks from the greatest artists of the last 40 plus years. Including... a new tribute to Gadhafi’s nurses and female bodyguards by Lou Bega!”

 

 

(CUT TO: LOU BEGA STANDING WITH NUMEROUS FEMALES, MOST OF WHOM HAVE BODY ARMOR AND WEAPONS, ONE OF WHOM IS DRESSED AS A SEXY NURSE)

 

LOU BEGA

“A little bit of Kadira in my life,

A little bit of Galeel by my side, 

A little bit of Mabrouka packing heat, 

So many girls with body armor so sweet, 

A little bit of Odira, I trust with my life,

A little bit of Mary brandishing a knife,

A little bit of Galyna, she’s the nurse 

A Ukranian nurse, yeah, just a nurse!”  

 

 

ANNOUNCER

Moammar Gadhafi. Is he a good guy? Probably not. But boy, what a run! “SONGS OF LIBYA : AN ODE TO MOAMMAR GADHAFI.” Buy it while it’s still a thing!

 

(THE BLACK EYED PEAS REAPPEAR)

 

(INSTRUMENTAL: “I GOTTA FEELING”)

 

 BLACK EYED PEAS

“Hey what's up UN! 
(Hey!)
I got a speech!
(He's got a speech!)
Got ninety minutes? 
(Wait, what?)
I'll spend it up!
('Kay, spend it up) 

Rip up the Charter!
(I'm gaspin')
It's all your fault!
(There is no God)
Wars in Africa
(Come on)
Been MC Gadhaf!”

 

(OUT) 




NOTE: there is a full version of I GADHAFI-LING at
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5agr

Thanks for reading!

- Mike 

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