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Published August 08, 2014

Talk

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One of the best sex tips we recommend is also one of the most basic. Tell your partner what you’re enjoying, even what could be done to make the sex better. If you hate his body, tell him! If you ever have passing thoughts that are kind of weird and seem best ignored,say them out loud! Honesty is the best sexual policy.

Try new positions.

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This might seem like an obvious tip, but you’d be surprised by the number of people who get stuck in a rut by performing the same combination of positions over and over again. There is more to sex than missionary! You might try a little something we like to call “The Boss”. Get hired at your boyfriend or husband’s office and then slowly work your way up the corporate ladder. Once you become his superior, fire him! Who’s the boss now? You are!

Put your relationship to the test.


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A chlamydia test! Surprise your significant other with some test results that he definitely won’t see coming! Then have hot, sad makeup sex to help him forget about all of the treatments he has to schedule.

Be spontaneous!


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Put on some sexy lingerie one evening after work and light your loved one’s apartment on fire. Don’t forget to burn the family photo albums—the more memories he’ll never get back, the better! When your partner tries to put out the fire, dominate and lead him to the bedroom.

Play flirty games.

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Maybe you’re not the sexual orientation your loved one believes you to be! Pick a night to be brutally honest with your partner and watch him question every moment of your “happy” relationship. Then leave his apartment and don’t call him back. Are you gay? Are you straight? Even you’re not sure. Better do some soul searching, you sexy temptress!

Spend time on foreplay.

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In this fast-paced world, it’s easy to forget
that foreplay is an integral part of a happy sex life.Before having sex, call up your partner and pretend to be a police officer. Then pretend to fake your own death! The way you choose to fake your own death is totally up to you. House fire? Car crash? Positive chlamydia test? Go nuts and watch your sex life explode when your partner realizes you’re not actually dead!

Change your appearance.

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Find an unsuspecting woman and murder her. Take her face off and put it on your face, then put on some sexy music and wait for your loved one to come home from work. Can you say, “Honey, I’m home!” ?

Read your partner’s signals.

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Sometimes your loved one will communicate his feelings to you without using words. Practice picking up on his unique body language. He might give you the green light for sex by asking you to watch TV with him before bed. He might let you know he’s “in the mood” by asking if you’re still awake. He might scream silently as you hold him underwater in the bathtub, the color draining from his face. You never loved me! I’ll never be good enough for you! Be on the lookout. The right mood can strike at any moment.

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