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June 11, 2015

It's a medical mystery, but somehow Cleveland Cavaliers superstar Lebron James has grown a whole two feet taller.

We have been treated to a fantastic NBA Finals so far between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors. Both teams have battled through four hard fought games and the series is tied 2-2 heading back to the west this Sunday.


Golden State star and league MVP Steph Curry shooting over feel good player of the summer Matthew Dellavedova

As usual, LeBron James has been fantastic. He is having a performance for the record books averaging 35.8 points per game (the only important stat) and carrying his team without Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving who both suffered injuries earlier in the playoffs.


LeBron James pre-growth

There have been some “straight out of Hollywood” storylines in this series including the emergence of the gritty Australian guard Matthew Dellavedova and the streaky shooting of MVP Steph Curry. However, the biggest developing story is LeBron James’ rapid growth in height.

According to league sources, LeBron James woke up this morning two feet taller. Again, “straight out of Hollywood.”

During game four, “King” James took a hard foul from Warriors bigman Andrew Bogut sending LeBron to the floor, hitting his head on a camera on the way down. He managed to play through the head injury. After the game he admitted to having an “odd pain” in his head. This understandably got Cleveland fans worrying for the worst.


Today, the Cavaliers came out with a statement saying how LeBron James has not suffered a concussion, but has in fact grown a remarkable two feet, something unheard of for men his age.

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Team doctors don’t know what could have caused this medical anomaly. “We don’t know what could have caused this medical anomaly.”- Team Doctors

Some suspect the bump he took on his head could have caused the rapid change in physique. That just makes no fucking sense. But right now, there is no better explanation.

The previously 6'8 superstar, now 8'8, said he doesn’t think the change in height will effect his game.

“I’m going to use this as a new tool to my game. For some reason, God chose me to rule this game. In fact, I think I could take God on now. I can’t help but feel blessed.”

— LeBron James
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When asked about the LeBron height situation, league commissioner Adam Silver said, “Fuck it. He was already the best, now he is the best…but taller.”


“Fuck it.”

We’ll see how much of an effect LeBron’s new height will have this Sunday at 8 pm on ABC.