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March 11, 2016
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This weekend it's time to spring forward. What the fuck does that mean again?

Daylight Savings begins this Sunday March 13th 2016 at 2 a.m., which means that at 2 a.m. you need to set your clocks forward an hour. Not on your phone or you computer or anything - those will do it automatically. But on that giant grandfather clock in your living room? Yeah, you’re going to need to set that forward. For all of your other unanswered Daylight Savings questions, see below.


Q: Why can’t we pick what hour we get to skip? For instance, I’d like to skip the last hour of work on Friday.
A: Daylight Savings isn’t magic.

Q: It’s almost 2 a.m. and I’m starting to get sharp chest pains, can you make them disappear too?
A: No! You should see a doctor, you’re having a heart attack!

Q: What if I ask my girlfriend to marry me and she says yes at exactly 1:59am? Do I still have to marry her?
A: Technically yes. But I’m sure she thought it was a goof anyway.

Q: Do I still have to use condoms for sex during the “lost hour”
A: Yes, more than ever. Any baby conceived during the “lost hour” will be a demon.

Q: Is it “daylight saving,” “daylight savings,” “daylight saving’s,” or "daylight savings’”?
A: None of those, actually!

Q: Why March?
A: You know what they say, “Thirty days has September, daylight savings would go best in March.”

Q: Is there a way to remember which way you turn the clock in the spring vs. fall?
A: Hand tattoos.

Q: Can I save up my daylight savings for another day and then spend it whenever I want? Like an emergency fund?
A: Of course! But most people, including the U.S. government, spend it at the same time.

Q: I live in Ohio. Are you sure Ohio practices daylight savings?
A: Despite existing in the past fashionably, Ohio is America’s most practical state and does indeed follow daylight savings. Ohio is where astronauts come from.

Q: Where does the time go?
A: It’s all been downhill since you settled for being an accounting major.

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