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March 24, 2009


I grew up in the 90's, and being a "poser", I fell victim every year to purchasing the fad toy of the moment. Here are my top ten of all time.

10. Pokemon (for the original Game Boy!) - I got into it when I was honestly too old to (like 7th grade) because my 4 year old little brother watched the show (i SWEAR), and I'll admit it was a fun little game... I used to like naming my Pokemon bad words, like I had a Squirtle named Balls...

9. Creepy Crawlers - I never understood the concept. You work so hard to make these little gummy worm buggy things and then you cant even eat them?! Dr. Dreadful's Food Lab was far superior. Edible brains, thoughtfully delicious.

8. Power Rangers, the Action Figures - These action figures sucked. First off, they were so disgustingly popular that the only one I got for Christmas was the Yellow Ranger... easily the worst one (although Billy the Blue Ranger was arguably worse) . I always laugh how the black ranger was the only black guy and the yellow ranger was the asian girl... i don't think you could pull that off anymore.

7. Jncos -- ultra baggy jeans for suburban thug larvae. Not actually a toy, but necessary in any late 90s fad list.

6. Devil Sticks - Use 2 sticks to twirl a 3rd more flamboyant stick.

5. Razor Scooters - I have nothing against scooters as a whole, but why were Razor Scooters so much cooler than other brands? They had some sort of monopoly the way Huffy did with bikes. The fondest memory of Razor is when Hansel rides one in Zoolander. So hot right now.

4. Red Lasers - These pieces of shit cost like 25$ and all they did was shine a tiny red light off into the distance... and that was it. Pretty much you got it and then proceeded to head up to the boardwalk or movie theater and annoy the shit out of people, which was fun for the first 2 days, and then the thing breaks and you can't find any of those microscopic batteries they needed and you never played with it again. Also rumored to cause damage to vision... imagine if THAT was how you went blind.

3. Yo-yos - It was the hacky sack for those who couldn't hack it. These came in all types of colors and featured sweet gadgetry to allow you to do spectacular moves that were guaranteed to help you hook up despite your braces. Personally, after my Yomega hit me in the knuckles and made me bleed I decided I'd rather walk in dog shit than "walk the dog" again.

2. Pogs - The mother of all stupid toys, literally pieces of cardboard with 8 balls, yin yangs, and skulls on them... and you paid money for them. Slammers were kind of cool I guess, but I never got why anyone would buy a plastic slammer instead of metal. Oh, and badasses like me, we had huge slammers called Bombers. They were pretty much glorified paper weights that I paid 20$ for... thats like a case of Natty Ice down the drain...

1. Tamagotchis - STOP CRYING I FED YOU! PLEASE GOD NOOO.. Tamagotchis were like a sociological experiment to warn children to never have children. They were like Pet Rocks that required 24/7 devotion. I think my hampster outlived my Tamagotchi. Miss you Hershey : (