I was at a bar paying for sex with a girl named Ali, who I had met the night before. My friend Shawn was with us too. He is black, but we'll get to that later. I was paying for sex because everybody pays for sex. Some people pay a prostitute 400 dollars for sex right away, I use my 400 dollars to pay rent and the water bill so I can shower and have a place to have sex at. And if that doesn't get me sex, I can spend ten dollars at the bar.

My strategy is to buy the first round of drinks for a potential mate, but wait too long to buy the next round, forcing them to buy drinks the rest of the night when she realizes I don't have any more money. One round of shots can get you sex at a good price.

So we were drunk, and for some reason we decided to take our money elsewhere. We drove directly from the bar to Wal Mart, which was right next door, so it wasn't really drunk driving because we just switched parking lots. Sex was on our minds, and somewhere in between the bar and Wal Mart, Ali mentioned that we should have a threesome.

Uhm, okay. That sounds good. Threesome. There's a girl.  She is attractive, I want to have sex with her, either with someone else or by myself. Preferably by myself. Preferably. But my friend Shawn had been playing such a good wing man that he upgraded his status from wing man to "Hey, I'm gonna join the party."

I am trying to express to you how I was feeling at that time, but mostly it was just numbness from the alcohol, and somewhere deep down insde of my pants there were hormones and other things that had plans on swimming into a latex net. Yeah. Let me put my dick inside of you baby. Let's do this.

I am ready. I have to accept the threesome. I might be able to negotiate myself into a one on one, but at this point it would be cock blocking.

The night crew at Wal Mart had no intention of cock blocking. When the lady employee saw us walking around drunk and confused she asked if she could help us find something and when we told her we wanted condoms she nodded her head and said,

"Of course."

When we got to the condom aisle, two other Wal Mart workers laughed and said "Do what ya do!!"

We got to the condom aisle and Ali asked if we should buy the Trojans. That's when Shawn dropped the words "Hell naw, I only fuck with magnums."  Which is one of the proudest things a man can say in his life. If Clint Eastwood said that at the end of Million Dollar Baby I would buy the DVD if it was in the sale basket.

But it wasn't, and once Shawn foreshadowed the size of his penis, I started to see some concern arise on Ali's face. She hit a sober point and decided to reconsider. Deep under her breathe, I heard her say  "I don't think I can do this." 

Which was fine with me. I was in support of the threesome only if I could go first. If we take turns, I can't go second after Shawn unleashes his cannon on her. That's not how a good threesome works. It's like baseball. We can't have Babe Ruth as our lead off hitter. We have to start with the guy who can lay down the bunt single. That's me.

The threesome never happened.. Shawn didn't think that she ever really wanted to have a threesome in the first place, he says she was just messing around. I usually listen to Shawn when it comes to women. He reads them well because he's divorced. 

I want to agree with him because he has that divorcee advantage, which is crucial, but at the same time, I think she really wanted to do it, but she was scared. She knew that if she took on Shawn and his magnums in an all night threesome marathon, when she woke up in the morning,

She was gonna pay for it.