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Weedlection 2012

 
What if both candidates for the President of the United States openly smoked weed?  How different would America be, How different would the campaign be, How much cooler would Obama and Romney be…?  In a slightly different, slightly chiller alternate universe one small difference to our current reality would change so very much.  
 
With the 2012 weedlection nearing, the candidates are ramping up their campaigns and making their platforms clear.  Obama, or Obonga as his daughters Sativa and Indica call him, is placing his entire campaign on his famous "Snack Pack" philosophy.  He states that there should be a snack pack in every lunch, no joint left unrolled, no child left tie dye less, no father is out of twerk.  While Mitt "one hit n quit" Romney will campaign on his platform of forcing the middle class to stop pinching from the bag, all top shelf product will be taxed less and April 20th will be a federal holiday.
 
President Barack Obama and his VP Joe "Lion" Biden will be representing the "Green" Party while Romney and his VP candidate James Franco will run under the "Still Hitting" Party.  Franco coming off his High Times' Man of the Year award will surely spark the fire under Romney's freshly packed bowl of a campaign.  Conversely the perennial highest man in town, Lion Biden will have to dazzle the country with his insane "rolling" ability and signature weed leaf diamond necklace. 
 
To stand out, the candidates will open up about themselves and actually be honest with the American public.  Romney will highlight his glorious white boy dreads and sick steel drumming while displaying his nimble trimming fingers. In an amazing turn of events, Obama will admit to using his birth certificate to "roll up" one time in college but still maintains that he was actually born in Babylon.
 
Romney's tax return mystery will finally be solved: he spent millions buying Frito Lay just to reopen the "Funyon" factory and secretly made all his money producing Yo Gabba Gabba and SpongeBob Squarepants.  ObamaCare will simply be a Vaporizer for every household while Romney's Healthcare focuses on mold free weed and hemp wicks for healthier hits.  
 
We all know that Obama is a bong man and Romney likes to twist them up, but this election will come down to one thing... who's presidential strain is better.  Our pro-weed society is so chill that the presidential election essentially comes down to a Cannabis Cup, Obama Kush vs Purple Romney.  Who will win... You decide.  Every citizen of voting age gets one fat hit of each candidate's strain, and then you get one vote.  Keeping the voting numbers extremely high and voters extremely high, everyone gets a delicious cookie and milk post vote.  
 
The billions saved with there being no war on weed, our schools would be properly funded and the poor would have affordable healthcare.  In a world where the quality of life is as high as the quality of weed, who cares who wins the election, we all already won.
 
420/69
Adam Jacobs
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