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Published August 08, 2008 More Info »
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Published August 08, 2008

Gluttony Personified

Jim McPartland

www.funnyordie.com/jbmcpart

 

The Connecticut Post is my local paper. It’s a cross between the NY Times and National Enquirer- you don’t need a PHD and coke bottle reading glasses to get through it and I believe most of the stories. Except the Elvis dating Madonna sighting at a local tavern. It was Jim Morrison. I know it- I was there and tried to pick her up too (mighty close, but that Morrison has a way with women via poetry).

I get a lot of my ideas from either reading the paper or watching MSNBC. Some days the Post is lame- nothing but fugitives and stabbings in Bridgeport. Local uninteresting political struggles. Obituaries of no one I know (thank God). Sports scores missing anything that ends after 11 PM.

Today was a good day. There were 3 worthy stories, all of which make me want to scream. But I won’t scream at you. I’m being quiet-- whispering-- you need to get closer to hear me--yeah, that’s’ right-

 

 

Classical music serenades you- ahhh!!

 

 

 

I’M FUCKING TIRED OF THIS GREED SHIT!!!!

 

#1                                                Area Tops Per Capita List

I knew Fairfield County, CT., which includes poor Bridgeport straight down 95 through ‘Life Styles of the Rich and Famous’ in Westport, Darien, New Canaan, Stamford (in spots) and Greenwich was near the top-- but #1 with a $80,192 P.C. income?

That’s per working adult. So most households of 2 adults are bringing in an average of $160,000. Minimum wage here is $8 and I know they have Wal-Marts in these towns. I figured Beverly Hills would be #1, but because it’s grouped into Los Angeles County where 9 million people live, the average comes down. Leave out East L.A. and we’d have a dead heat.

 I know BHills is pissed about it. It would not surprise me if they pressure Arnold into stronger immigration laws (‘Shoot on Sight’ was a request in Heston’s Last Will) to draw up the median.

Nope, it’s us.

Actually, it’s them in Fairfield County. Not me- nor most of the people I know.

The article actually gave a good analogy- if Bill Gates walked into a bar, the entire bar per capita would go to billions as he skews the numbers.

I then learn that 3 guys—count’em 3- that live in Greenwich actually comprise 1% of the entire state of Connecticut’s wealth.

Most of this income is in financial services- Wall Streeters that commute into the city from their 40k Sq foot, 18 acre, estates in Darien, staying occasionally at their rented 5k Sq. ft. penthouse in Manhattan. The guys that cause gas prices to spiral out of control by speculating. The guys that step over the homeless on their way to work (Oops, forgot- they don’t walk- the livery service provides a door to door limo).

Bridgeport is factored in. 60% of Bridgeport lives below the poverty level- $19,000 for a family of 2.

Anyone have a calculator?

In order for the per capita to be $80k for the metro area, there are a few folks dragging it up-dramatically.

The disparity of income in America has never been more distinct at any time in our history. Not only are the richer getting incredibly wealthier, there are more poor- and the middle class is teetering on extinction.

By comparison, the P.C. income for the rest of the country is $38,362. Naples, Fla, was 2nd at $61,788. Hartford and New Haven Counties, in Ct were 17th and 33rd respectively at around $43k.

So, if you live in Greenwich—at least for a few of them, there’s been a Bush Party going on for 8 years.

These are the same folks that paid $100, 000 per plate for a private luncheon with John McCain courtesy of Leon Hess, owner of the Jets. (I wonder if part of Farve’s contract involves voting Republican).

My question is, if you have THAT much, does it really bother you if you pay another 2% in federal taxes and the cap of $95k on social security gets lifted?

 What will you not be able to afford?

Your kids are still going to Yale, so they’re set. You’re unlikely to end up in foreclosure court.

 What, will you have to trim your $100k donation to the RNC?

Makes no fucking sense to me. It’s greed, pure and simple.

 Jesus did not tell the talent parable to mean to burn everyone on your path to fame and fortune.

Hell is waiting.

And they don’t take AMEX Gold.

 

 

#2                                                 $1m Homes Tax Breaks Reassessed

The town of Fairfield, also well to do, has greedy manipulating smart motherfuckers there. These are the folks who plot ways to beat the system because they’re smarter than most of us

Kind of like Hitler if he was a tax accountant.

The Assessor said ‘I don’t want to call it abuse… it was creative’.

These fuckwads played the system like a violin. The town of Fairfield, like many others, has Senior Citizen tax relief for those on fixed incomes. I’m not sure how many seniors in Fairfield survive on just social security, but for the sake of argument, let’s say there’s some. Of course, these are the same retirees filling daily buses to Foxwoods casino to piss away their retirement at slot machines- but hey, I guess they’ve earned it.

So their bright children pull a ploy- they transfer their $1m homes into their parents’ names and then ask for tax relief.

And get it.

Until the town figured out what was going on- stupid dipshits they are- these gluttons had their mansions and avoided paying their share of taxes by finding a loophole.

Seniors should be outraged by this conduct. There’s a bunch of them not at the casino- and scared shitless about $5 a gallon home heating oil this winter. Yet these motherfuckers sit and plot how to save themselves a few grand. So they can move to Greenwich and become the people in #1.

 

#3                                           CL&P Can’t Recoup Billing Error Costs

CL&P (Connecticut Light and Power) is one of two monopolies in the state that provides electricity. Whenever you hear the words ‘monopoly’ combined with a utility, it’s time to run. Boardwalk is not the best joint on the Monopoly game board anymore- Parker Brothers best move the Electric Company and up the ‘roll and pay ‘10x amount’ because it’s more like 2000 times now.

In December, they had a computer glitch that resulted in 2400 bills ($54m) left unsent. Glitches happen, but not only did CL&P request getting their money back, they wanted to charge customers for ‘the cost of handling complaints, attending state hearings and billings related to the error’.

Are you fucking kidding me??

What happened to the cost of doing business- or- oops, my bad?

The sheer audacity of requesting customers pay for their mistake because they had customers calling asking ‘Where’s my bill?’ is nothing short of shocking.

The balls on those executives!

Shit, I forgot- they live in Greenwich and Fairfield.

Conspiracy anyone?

 

This whole thing is turning into medieval times with Kings, Surfs, etc.

 

Good thing I consider myself a Jester.

But you guys are too- and I don’t need the competition.

There’s only the need for a few Jesters in Fairfield County.

So stay out. I have dibs already.

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