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May 09, 2008


 just finished watching the 2008 version of Prom Night and have to say that in general it sucked wind.

Don't know about whether you have seen this or not but I just don't think that 1) the killer is 'creepy' enough - let's face it, Rob Zombie did a better job with his re-make of Halloween; a MUCH better job.

Kudos to Rob Zombie. Rob's take on Halloween was brilliant in really depicting what happened to Michael Myers. He seemed possessed by a demon or even suffering from a particular pyschosis that gives him the cumpulsion to murder, much in the vein of say Dahmer but not really. Carpenter's original character was paid homage by incorporating the back story as believable and not a complete retelling marketed with a name that many of us remember as a rather creepy movie from 1980. Despite having what one might consider "Cormanesque" qualities, Carpenter's direction and moody music and shots make for a much more suspenseful thrill. err...where was I?

Oh yes, that stinkburger Prom Night:

2) the acting is rather wooden. While it is commendable to have a racially diverse group of teens all acting pretty much the way the rest of the country sees the quintissential "Valley Girl" persona, the pretty people are just so blah that we don't really care if they get stabbed by a stupid little hunting knife. Why hasn't this escaped insane muthafucka stuck on a mask and at least make an attempt to disguise himself? Is he nuts? YES he is. He thinks a shave and haircut will disfigure him enough that none of the people anywhere near this girl in this really weird hotel/disco (where are the group sex scenes that are all the rage - or so I have heard). Jedi do not form romantic attachments - to engage in physical sexual intimacy can create a new Luke Skywalker and their is NO WAY JediMasterCheryl is going there with those crazy kids and that death star stuff... nuh uh ...

What does all this have to do with Prom Night?


Anyway, so many of these stupid people are killed by this retractable Bowie knife (do they really MAKE those things? Are they hard to acquire when one has just escaped from the prison for the mentally insane? Did this insane freak walk into a town and hit up the local feed store for a large pocket knife with his savings from his prison drawings selling on e-bay or what?) Don't they realize the escaped mental patient needs to have a place to stalk the kids that is set in like THE WOODS ? Isn't sort of important that he can work in secret with big weapons like huge butcher knives, axes, pitchforks and even chainsaws. Friday the 13th would not have worked as well or been nearly as spooky to us if it had been set in a day spa.

Let's face it, those of us old enough to remember seeing Friday the 13th in 3-D at a drive in when it first played, you know what cheeseball effects are absolutely, yet their is no denying that elelment of fright that can't be equaled by a turkey like "Prom Night."

What effects are in "Prom Night" you might ask? I have seen some pretty good throat slashing in films before "PN" and this kind of killing reminds me a lot more of a deranged deer hunter. Why is he fixated on this girl? It isn't as if she is being played by Courtney Love or Lindsay Lohan (skanks for sure) whom many of us would pay to watch get stalked and killed. Nope this is just some so-so valley girl who does absolutely nothing remarkable except turn down cheerleading squad for some reason we have knowledge of. I mean we get absolutely no real clues as to why he fixated on her and killed her whole family. So then we don't care. And we don't care in a, "well this is around the 586 time I have popped "Holy Grail" in the player, and hey presto after watching it so many times because it's funny I can do other stuff while listening to it in the background. So when it catches my attention I remember the exact look on John Cleese face when he rescues Terry Gilliam.

I was expecting a lady, too.

You see our innate physical human being intution tells us when things are funny so we watch them to see the great acting and expressions that are part of the overall performance. Yet with "PN" even though it is the first time I was watching this cowplop of a film when I was distracted by something else I already knews what happened based on the tense score and heavy breathing alone. None of the actual deaths were scary or elicited any response other than meh from me. Been there, done that and by much better uses of celluloid than this one.

So to conclude....

It basically sucked and I highly recommend to you that have not yet sat through this piece of drivel to avoid it like the plague. Review old shows like "I Love the 80's" or "Suvivor"'s first season where the gay tax invasion fraud guy won and then went to prison instead of watching this movie - I mean, honestly, that is how bad it really is. Kathie Lee is better than this. (I can't believe I actually just said those words in that order and meant them. Oh goodness, that is yet another sign of the approaching apocalypse my friends,...)

So as for the 2008 movie entitled, "Prom Night", I, JediMasterCheryl, bestow my new movie review rating- 

The Glowing Balls of Pink Electricity!

My Glowing Balls of Pink Electricity Rating for Prom Night?:

1 Glowing Ball of Pink Electricty out of Five :  There is a rumor that the whole thing was a CGI experiment that was used to create robot teenagers from the Valley. Anything with a rumor like that, deserves at least some points for trying to create buzz. At least it showed they cared enough to lie to themsleves.

But it really sucks to only have one ball.


Don't make fun of me crying!