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November 23, 2014
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Funny Or Die University of Iowa gives some fresh tips on how to maximize your Thanksgiving break.

It’s that time of year again. That is, it’s that time of year before it’s that time of year again. Your assigned papers and tests are still in abundance and there’s no promise of gifts under the tree until you’ve completed those blasted finals (for Freshman, the word “finals” is the same thing as “#finals”). Here are some tips on helping make your week off from school as mad crazy awesome as Aziz Ansari’s suit collection must be.


1. Get work (or “werk”) off.

Look, employers are great. They give you money. They make you do things. They’re like parents, and you don’t even have to love them. But you can’t let the stress of a job cramp your Thanksgiving style. So stretch first, by asking for work off the entire break. They don’t know how important your family is to you. Maybe you have an internship you have to do an interview for and it’s a long drive. Maybe you are finally going to get those wisdom teeth removed (but make sure they keep your wisdom intact, huhhuhhuh, your Uncle Joe will joke with you from across the turkey). Maximize your Netflix and slumber time. It’s worth losing a few bucks.

2. Buy a new sweater.

If you aren’t a Pinterest frequenter or Instagram aficionado, you may not be aware of the quantity of people wearing sweaters right now. It’s insane. The fall and winter seasons are ample with sweaters,including everything from Grandma Chic to Former College Intramural All-Star Stellar. A new sweater is not just a thing to keep you warm (in fact, most sweaters provide insufficient warmth in comparison to coats, but this is a whole other discussion/post). A new sweater is a way of life. A calling. Fresh, foggy air in the midst of a busy campus amuck with Psalm-spouting Amish folks. Equip yourself with warmth, style, and personality, and you’ll feel like awhole new you (a whole “wool” you, your Uncle Joe will joke, and you will laugh despite your body’s resistance).

3. Make a ChillNest ™

You’re going to need a place to enjoy all the benefits of lazing around at. This can be a couch, a beanbag, or even another person (just make sure they are okay with it first).

Things that should be accessible from your ChillNest:

  • Netflix
  • Snacks
  • Bathroom (it’s 2014, I don’t think toilets in sofas are too unreasonable or first-world at this point)
  • Phone (Snap, ‘Gram, Tweet your relaxation, constantly)

Blankets, pillows, and cardboard cut-outs of your favorite actors will help make your ChillNest a TrillNest (yes, the next level up). You need to be at complete ease and peace with the world, and sharing it constantly via social media. If your fingers get tired, just consume more snacks, and the energy will convert itself into pure, unadulterated, not-yet-adult energy. And don’t tell Uncle Joe about it, because he will make an inappropriate joke involving the word “nest” and you will find your space and spirit desecrated by a man who sells stereos in a time period where stereos barely even exist.

So grab some turkey, throw your studies to the curb, and relish in all that is college: the time in your life when you can do this shit and only some of society will disapprove.


Written by Eric Moore for Funny Or Die University of Iowa.

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