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0Funny
0Die
143
Views
June 27, 2008
Published
Description

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Here it is almost 3 o'clock in the morning, watching a movie (no questions, it was a MOVIE that's all I'll say...) and all of a sudden I hear a fluttering. I turn around and I see a big brown blur race past my head. It flies over my TV and I can make out what it is. A BAT!!

This is the first time I have encountered such a thing. Sure, I've disposed of mice and birds from my parents' garage, but this is different. I have no idea how it got in, but I was sure as hell not going to ask it any questions.

I jumped out of my recliner, grabbed my cell phone, and ducked, covered and ran like I was evading enemy fire from the beaches of Normandy, to the only room with a door and space, my bedroom. First thing I did, was to call my super. Remind you, it's almost 3 in the morning, dude's asleep, but I wanted that thing out! I got his voicemail, left a message. Two minutes pass, and I got antsy, and called 911. Lady said "Call Varmint Evictors". I call Varmint Evictors half expecting some half asleep Carl Spackler type, but, no, voicemail again. Shit...

I couldn't sleep with that thing fluttering in the house with the TV and lights on. I muttered "Fuck it", and grabbed a cardboard box, with the half thought out plan to trap it inside and, I don't know, throw it outside. So, I got my weapon and my plan, and positioned myself between the kitchen and the living room, and held the box up whenever the bat flew by. Five minutes pass, and my fear turned into annoyance.

New plan...

I bolt past the bat's advances and opened the front door. Only to see the bat fly the opposite direction, and that's when I charged into the kitchen and opened the back door. Then I had it cornered, and blindly threw the box. I picked it up...no bat. Looked around some more...still no bat.

I won!

Minutes later, my super arrived, and I told him my story. Told him "Sorry, but I think I got it". He's a good guy, so I'm pretty sure he wasn't pissed.

I had to tell someone, so I started writing my epic tale on here.

Then...IT CAME BACK!

Last I checked, it's still upstairs, and I'm waiting for the super to come back.

And mind you...I did all this wearing a Joker T-shirt...

UPDATE: Quarter past four, and I went back to my ingenious plan to lure the bat outside.  After capturing it in the box a couple of times (and almost crushing it when it escaped, sorry, but I didn't want to kill it and deal with bat guts or brains on the wall or floor), I opened the door, and with my amazing box throwing ability, I saw it fly out the door.

Mission Accomplished!

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