Stand-up comedy taught me pissing contests are acceptable but if someone spits food at you, you have to throw in the towel.

It teaches me there is a difference betwixt (that's how Shakespeare used it) patience & timing. Impatience starts wars; diffuses the strength of men. A second is an hour. Even the Mayans knew that, shit-head. Only ever is timing in your hands while performing stand-up. As a man, we depend on women for help because to women, see, there is no timing & patience. It's the same to women. 2nd nature. Like breathing. As a 28 year old single man I don't know anything about women so I may be wrong? I think the only thing men & women have in common is wiping front to back because wiping back to front causes dysentery.

Nevertheless, we can all agree patience is craziness so can only timing be comedy. So to conclude crazy people are not impatient; they're a source of intelligence & ingenuity.

How to be optimistic? Being ridiculous in humorless situations defeats pessimism. Wear footie pajamas & Easter-bunny teeth while singing “Old MacDonald.” In minutes, wacky behavior transforms a worry-filled room into a hopeful place.

Didja know the scabbard, hilt & belt of William Wallace's sword was made of the skin of Hugh Cressingham, an English commander?