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January 06, 2009


I went to the grocery store the other night to buy a bottle of wine. When I was checking out, the cashier asked for my ID. I know I’m getting older because when I get carded I’m flattered instead of annoyed. I went to dinner with someone recently. We are the same age. We both ordered a glass of wine. The waitress carded my friend, but not me. Burn!

Anyway, the cashier looked at my ID and said, “WOW”. I said something idiotic, like “I know, I’m old”, to which he replied, “You’re just a young lad.” “EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! I’m sorry, I thought I heard you call me a young LAD.” Okay, I didn’t say that. I took my wine and left, shell shocked. I looked at myself in the reflection of the automatic doors, which was hard because people kept going in. Okay, yes, I was wearing loose-ish jeans, and my hair was pulled back, but I was wearing a tight(ish) sweatshirt. I have terrible posture, which does not do my chest any favors, but you could still see 2 faint lumps under my shirt (sexy, right?). And I have bangs, which I know a lot of guys have these days (thank you Zac Efron) but my bangs are GIRL bangs. Young LAD?! That is bullshit! When I told my friend what had happened (she was waiting outside), she looked me up and down, then said “Yeah, well…” Nice. Real nice. I then flashed back to about a year ago when, as I was getting out of my car, a valet said to me “Have a nice dinner, sir” SIR?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

Admittedly, I am a little bit of a tomboy still. Is it okay to still be a tomboy at 31? I don’t think that’s any of your business. Then why did I ask you? I don’t know, I thought I could get some support. I guess I was wrong. Again… Go to hell!! I’m sorry I’m being like this. It’s not you. It’s probably that time of the month. I am a GIRL after all. Okay, fine, lets be realistic. I’m not the girliest of girls. I’m okay with that. But I DO know how to dress it up and walk in high heels when I need to. I can be a pretty lady (too defensive?) But you know what? Being a pretty lady is really uncomfortable. It’s painful. Any slut that tells you that her heels don’t hurt or that her mini skirt is comfy, is lying to your face. All lady clothes are a lie. No one is excited to put on a skintight dress and 6 inch stilettos. No one. (Maybe Posh) Or maybe they are excited. Maybe the thrill of never being called a “young lad” is worth the pain. I guess I’ll never know.